Quality surpasses quantity

Quality surpasses quantity

January 6, 2013

By: Gina Yoryet Roman

One of my main New Year's wishes to all my single friends was, "I hope you find THE one, BUT he better NOT be gay OR married." 

Some single women I've known throughout life, have sadly created a kind of attachment with the wrong man. An almost unbreakable and abstract co-dependency is fabricated because there is a need to be loved, complimented and/or acknowledged without discerning that love can be expressed in numerous ways. 

It is human nature to be brought into existence, grow, unite and multiply but nowadays some find it almost impossible to encounter THE one. 

More so women who currently complain about the lack of men which makes their expectations plummet. 

For example, I once heard a woman imply, "I could care less if he's ugly, short, poor, if he's got a beer belly, as long as he is straight." 

Or particular friends have said to me, "The older we get, the harder it is to find a man, so I am lowering my standards."

Regarding this issue is not as bad as is they make it sound. 

Let's say, yes, I, like every woman, long for a loving and lifetime caring, supporting and successful husband, however, the older I get, the higher my standards rise.

Why? Because now more than ever, I am more self-confident, wiser, analytical, focused, independent, I've accomplished more and I know what I want. 

That is the reason why I don't want to ever be in the shadows and hide behind his accomplishments, I want to have and share mine with his. I want us both to be content and fulfilled the same way. 

According to our nature and beliefs, the man was meant to be the hunter, the strength, the provider, and the woman is to reproduce and be the main pillar of a home, yet I don't want to have regrets. When the right place and time come to be with the right someone I without a doubt, will stand by him and play my womanly role only with the security that he will step up as the male figure and do his job for me and his children.

Being on the same page with my couple is a HUGE factor. If we are not, it will more likely turn into a deal breaker. Per se (Per-say) earlier last year when I excitedly came close to 'alpha,' - the beginning of a new life with him. All of a sudden I was hit with skepticism  about the young retiree I was to be with, (He hasn't even reached 50). He had envisioned a dream to travel the world after succeeding and reaching financial freedom. I was invited to join him…

At the beginning temptation hit strong but one night I was awakened by an ice-cold bucket of water questioning myself, "Will you be pursuing your dream or someone else's?" It took all but ten-seconds to become aware of the naked truth; that was followed by the end of that episode. 

It would be nice to have everything paid BUT at what price? When the opportunity knocks on my door, it will be through my or our own means, there's no turning point.

It could be cold and unbending from my end but I don't want to rent-lease my 'services' temporarily and then what? "Thanks for the great moments but you are not the one, we were not on the same page after all."

Sure I could've played Elizabeth Taylor's game and acceded to one proposal after another but marriage to me is a lifetime sacrament, therefore until this moment, I will continue getting mentally ready. 

I don't want to ever give up who I am to follow his dreams, I've chosen not to ever again wait for him to be "ready" for me, I don't want to ever be with a he who is not on the same chapter and who doesn't have the same religion, dreams, goals, principles, values, ethics and physical goals. I am not head over heels for a he that is not self-driven, innovative, good natured, responsible, honest, or initiative taking. 

If he suffers from the STD'd of a relationship: awful credit, reckless driving record, shady background, ambiguous credit history, and if he's developed a dependency on drugs, drinking, he wouldn't linger in my life. Vanity, self-centeredness don't fall under my category either. 

The thought of having a child with someone like this, lessens my desire even more to consider him daddy material. I am much less game for a man who can't figure out what he wants in life. Why not keep it as simple and captivating as: a very hard working he and even better if he's got a habit of reading, writing, doing charity work and being aware of our community's needs?

It is a two-sided coin, the same way a man must carefully and thoroughly choose his future wife and mother of his children, it's got to be likewise for a woman. 

I want to fulfill my (our) dreams guaranteeing the security that he will step up and do what corresponds to him.

There's a reason to everything and if it's meant to be, our roads shall cross one day. if it is not, my love can be manifested in different ways. 

True, I've been through trial and error. With this said from here on, even being blindfolded, quality will always overweight quantity, the rambunctious lady within, is only looking to live the simple life and be 'Semper Fidelis with the right someone at  the right time and place.