Reflexions
December 26, 2010
We are on a countdown before the year ends, I close my eyes for a few seconds and hear the clock tick very slowly and at the same time the hourglass stares at me straight in the eye and tells me that I am still on time to make my bucket list of goals and wishes for 2011. Here I am typing away just like every single Sunday since a few weeks ago when I made a commitment as a writer to never again let a day go by without writing. Of course I haven’t accomplished that goal but I have definitely not let one single Sunday go by without posting a blog. November and December were even better because I even posted three blogs in a week!
I am reflecting and thinking about the endless list of goals I wrote at the end of 2010. Many of those things were done but some of them were left on the back burner. This year things have to be different which means that I really have to step up, fight with all my might to get to where I want and accomplish every single wish I set. With that said I have to defeat my biggest enemy which is me because I am the first one setting boundaries, I am the one who grows fear and insecurity within me. I have to let all my frustrations behind when things don’t go my way. I have to say farewell to my procrastination and really make things happen. Especially knowing me, the woman who is very, extremely independent and who doesn’t rely on anyone else for anything but at the same time I am used to getting almost everything done. Cooking, laundry, shopping, and many of those small chores that are very time consuming. I’ve told my mother many times this year “quiero aprender a cocinar y hacer tiempo para limpiar, pero simplemente las cosas domesticas no se me dan.”
Another goal for 2011 is to mature in many aspects. When it comes to relationships the older I get the less I am willing to give, perhaps because I haven’t met the “right” man. There is no such thing as an ideal, we as human beings tend to idealize this fantasy world and other human beings and when we hit the bottom, coming back to reality can be very painful and we give up immediately.
Fitness to help me and others has to be a MUST, there will not be room for excuses! Towards the end of this year I started making my workouts a real commitment, even if that meant getting up before the entire world and getting very little sleep was a real sacrifice, I still did it because I got it out of the way. Everything was going quite well until mid December when I started packing down all this food without a reason. Mindless and emotional eating will be one of my toughest goals to overcome this upcoming year.
Right now I’m feeling like a whale because like they say here, “me he comido todo el refrigerador TODOS los días en la mañana, en la tarde y en la noche.”so now there’s more work to do to help me help others. Sometimes my friends ask how I get motivated to juggle all these things and I tell them, “ I JUST DO IT!”
2011 seems very promising, two projects I wanted with all my heart came through so I have to give them my best shot. The simple fact of looking at my agenda for the first six months of 2011 overwhelm me and it’ll be hard to squeeze in my workouts but I am completely ok with it, at this moment I am feeling very strong spiritually and I am ready to tackle every single obstacle and shatter it to get closer to realizing the woman I was meant to become.
On December 16, I became a year older and decided for the first time in my life that before I try to change my community, my city, my country, my world, other people, I must start with myself so I shall start with higher expectations of Gina Yoryet. A good friend of mine took me out for breakfast and as I was telling her some of my goals she told me she envisioned me as a motivational writer living somewhere in Europe. It’s funny because now more than ever I’ve felt that with my heart, deep down I know there’s a purpose for me in this universe and one of them is to help human beings especially women to lead a healthy life style and more than anything to love themselves.
Sometimes people have said that I am too strict and hard on myself but I am only trying to be a better person, I don’t mean harm on anyone, I’ve never done drugs, I’ve never been a drunk ass, I’ve never abused anyone in any way. When I am angry and frustrated and I can’t even stand myself, I don’t take my anger out on my loved ones anymore as I did before, I run to the gym and release all my bad energy there instead.
The other day while I was in class with one of my students, an older woman, she told me that I should be a motivational speaker for women. Her husband is a very recognized doctor here in Guadalajara and he has a radio program once a week so she invited me to talk about Health and Fitness since I am so enthused about it. She also told me her sister conducts motivational workshops for women from all walks of life and she invited me to give workshops there as well. I won’t be making money but I am ok with it because I have always believed in helping others to lead a better life. I don’t base my happiness in others but being able to give a lending hand and looking at people right in their eyes, brings so much mental peace, those priceless moments are one of the best moments in life.
The day when I tried to go meditate, my friend told me that I was meant to be a motivational leader. Before these three people told me this, I already knew it, I’ve always felt it, I’ve always asked myself how I can help people and since I’ve always loved writing, I said, writing is the way to do it! I have a mission in this world and that will be to help people through my writing.
I need to post more pictures on my blogs but I am AWFUL when it comes to that. This year I’ve gone through 5 cameras! I don’t know how I always manage to lose them, drop them and break them or something! In fact I just bought a camera on Wednesday and last night I dropped it and smashed it on the pavement. There’s something with cameras and cell phones that always slip off my hands. I am hopeless!!! I’ve always asked God to help me find my purpose in this life and as each day that goes by I am more convinced that I was meant to be a warrior and I’d die fighting. I don’t belong to me nor to anyone else, I belong to the world, I have a job to be a woman, a daughter, a mentor, an advisor, a motivator, a leader, a writer, a healer, a friend, a comfort. It was carved in my destiny to change peoples’ lives.
The porcupine
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way, they covered and protected themselves; but, the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other.
After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. This way they learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companion, but the most important part of it, was the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
Therefore: the best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
Spirituality, family, work and business ethics, health and fitness, charity work, reading, playing with words, reflecting and embracing the simplicity of life...
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Meditating in Guadalajara
Tuesday December 21, 2010
Meditating in Guadalajara
Gosh! Ok, so my first experience EVER meditating and I failed! I give myself credit for at least trying!!! It was hilarious though that my first attempt to put my mind at ease was sabotaged by the fact that my friend who invited me got lost on our way there. I don’t know what it is with him, this guy is absolutely clueless when it comes to driving, directions and narrowing down a place. Most guys are good at controlling the wheel and finding their way through very easily but this friend of mine is like a girl that’s why we get along so well!
He is a born “tapatio” (Guadalajara native) and he has been driving for many years but he still manages to get lost. How? I haven’t got the slightest clue.
By the time we found the place it was too late and I didn’t want to interrupt anybody’s peace and their encounter with their inner selves so we choose to go have dinner when we weren’t even hungry! I felt guilty because I ate so damn much. I never eat that late (it was almost 10pm) and much less do I pack down that much. It is not even Christmas and I already put on like 3 kilos!!!! (7 pounds). When I got home I was so freaking full that I couldn’t even lie down because the food was right on my throat that I felt like choking. YUCK!
Oh well! I’ll try again later, rather sooner than later I should say.
Ending the year with meditation sounded like a good idea and in fact that is one of my goals for 2011, to relax more (and many more things). There are many projects that I want to accomplish before 2011 ends and I still don’t know how I’ll manage them, I wish I could clone myself to do more but it’s like they say, “when there’s a will, there’s a way.” Or like Philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” So the problem is not really all the things that are yet to come in our journey, the turmoil is deep down us.
So my recommendation to myself is to NOT rush, take each day and project at once and go from there because I’ve rushed before and things totally went out the roof or however that goes. So from my own experience I will not rush and I better not rush! There are still a few things to get done before 2010 ends. We are on a countdown and I need to move, I need to get another car, I need to get many things up and running but for the time being I need to get all my stuff ready for tomorrow (we are heading out for a few days to spend Christmas and perhaps new years away) before I hit the sack and get my beauty sleep. I’m already starting to doze off as I type away my last words. Ok, I better turn off the computer. No, wait! I don’t want to let go because I will leave it here at home so I am going to miss it a lot! My computer is part of me, it goes everywhere I go so leaving it behind for 10 days is so heartbreaking!! Ok, I better stop!
Meditating in Guadalajara
Gosh! Ok, so my first experience EVER meditating and I failed! I give myself credit for at least trying!!! It was hilarious though that my first attempt to put my mind at ease was sabotaged by the fact that my friend who invited me got lost on our way there. I don’t know what it is with him, this guy is absolutely clueless when it comes to driving, directions and narrowing down a place. Most guys are good at controlling the wheel and finding their way through very easily but this friend of mine is like a girl that’s why we get along so well!
He is a born “tapatio” (Guadalajara native) and he has been driving for many years but he still manages to get lost. How? I haven’t got the slightest clue.
By the time we found the place it was too late and I didn’t want to interrupt anybody’s peace and their encounter with their inner selves so we choose to go have dinner when we weren’t even hungry! I felt guilty because I ate so damn much. I never eat that late (it was almost 10pm) and much less do I pack down that much. It is not even Christmas and I already put on like 3 kilos!!!! (7 pounds). When I got home I was so freaking full that I couldn’t even lie down because the food was right on my throat that I felt like choking. YUCK!
Oh well! I’ll try again later, rather sooner than later I should say.
Ending the year with meditation sounded like a good idea and in fact that is one of my goals for 2011, to relax more (and many more things). There are many projects that I want to accomplish before 2011 ends and I still don’t know how I’ll manage them, I wish I could clone myself to do more but it’s like they say, “when there’s a will, there’s a way.” Or like Philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” So the problem is not really all the things that are yet to come in our journey, the turmoil is deep down us.
So my recommendation to myself is to NOT rush, take each day and project at once and go from there because I’ve rushed before and things totally went out the roof or however that goes. So from my own experience I will not rush and I better not rush! There are still a few things to get done before 2010 ends. We are on a countdown and I need to move, I need to get another car, I need to get many things up and running but for the time being I need to get all my stuff ready for tomorrow (we are heading out for a few days to spend Christmas and perhaps new years away) before I hit the sack and get my beauty sleep. I’m already starting to doze off as I type away my last words. Ok, I better turn off the computer. No, wait! I don’t want to let go because I will leave it here at home so I am going to miss it a lot! My computer is part of me, it goes everywhere I go so leaving it behind for 10 days is so heartbreaking!! Ok, I better stop!
Santa or Bubba
Monday December 20, 2010
I just got back from Soriana, a grocery store close to the American School where I work. I bought a phone card last week so I had to go back to pick up an invoice to give to my accountant at the end of each month (with all my other invoices). There are many things I can write off like gas, car maintenance, phone cards, etc. since I work as an independent contractor. There were a few people waiting in line which was very irritating and I was about to throw a fit but then I thought about it and decided to be patient since it is so close to the holidays and everybody needs warmth these days. Instead of being grumpy, I was very entertained with the cash registers as I listened to them talking and assisting all the clients very quickly.
One of the women told the other one to work faster and the other one instead of getting angry and replying impolitely, she said, “I’m going to protest because the population is increasing a lot, there are too many people and children to attend around these days so I will write a letter to Santa asking him to send me someone to help me because I can’t do the work alone.”
The lady standing in front of me was very pleased with the cashier’s reply too and we were both smiling. This really made our day and taught us a small lesson about politeness so I thought of how we are a few days away from a new beginning and I'd like to share this letter that I came across on the internet once and I’ve had for a few years now.
When I look at that type of writing it makes me go like WOW! That's one amazing writer!
To Whom It May Concern: I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole.
He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. Differences Such As: There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson." Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace.
And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty." "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!" As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off". The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going potty on the Tooth Fairy. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town."
This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and Hank Williams Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You can shove It." Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus Member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209
I just got back from Soriana, a grocery store close to the American School where I work. I bought a phone card last week so I had to go back to pick up an invoice to give to my accountant at the end of each month (with all my other invoices). There are many things I can write off like gas, car maintenance, phone cards, etc. since I work as an independent contractor. There were a few people waiting in line which was very irritating and I was about to throw a fit but then I thought about it and decided to be patient since it is so close to the holidays and everybody needs warmth these days. Instead of being grumpy, I was very entertained with the cash registers as I listened to them talking and assisting all the clients very quickly.
One of the women told the other one to work faster and the other one instead of getting angry and replying impolitely, she said, “I’m going to protest because the population is increasing a lot, there are too many people and children to attend around these days so I will write a letter to Santa asking him to send me someone to help me because I can’t do the work alone.”
The lady standing in front of me was very pleased with the cashier’s reply too and we were both smiling. This really made our day and taught us a small lesson about politeness so I thought of how we are a few days away from a new beginning and I'd like to share this letter that I came across on the internet once and I’ve had for a few years now.
When I look at that type of writing it makes me go like WOW! That's one amazing writer!
To Whom It May Concern: I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole.
He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. Differences Such As: There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson." Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace.
And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty." "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!" As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off". The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going potty on the Tooth Fairy. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town."
This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and Hank Williams Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You can shove It." Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus Member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Women thoughts
Women thoughts
December 19, 2010
What makes me weak? My fears……….
What makes me whole? My religion.
What keeps me standing? My faith.
What makes me compassionate? My selflessness.
What makes me honest? My integrity.
What sustains my mind? My quest for knowledge.
What teaches me all lessons? My mistakes.
What lifts my head high? My pride, not arrogance.
What if I can’t go on? Not an option.
What makes me victorious? My courage to climb.
What makes me competent? My confidence.
What makes me sensual? My insatiable essence.
What makes me beautiful? My everything.
What makes me a woman? My heart.
Who says I need love? I do.
What empowers me? my spirit.
Who am I? I a proud strong woman!
“Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, it empties today of its strength.”
December 19, 2010
What makes me weak? My fears……….
What makes me whole? My religion.
What keeps me standing? My faith.
What makes me compassionate? My selflessness.
What makes me honest? My integrity.
What sustains my mind? My quest for knowledge.
What teaches me all lessons? My mistakes.
What lifts my head high? My pride, not arrogance.
What if I can’t go on? Not an option.
What makes me victorious? My courage to climb.
What makes me competent? My confidence.
What makes me sensual? My insatiable essence.
What makes me beautiful? My everything.
What makes me a woman? My heart.
Who says I need love? I do.
What empowers me? my spirit.
Who am I? I a proud strong woman!
“Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, it empties today of its strength.”
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Another year
Another year
December 12, 2010
By: Gina Roman
Looking back at 2007, it brought many good moments to my life and as the old year merged with the new one – 2008, it was full of love, promises and hope. Life had brought much more than I had ever desired that often times I thought it was too good to be true; somehow though, shortly after that things took a completely different toll. Unexpected events and my own mistakes made me hit the bottom like never before.
It all started with the economic crisis going down late 2008 (it really hit me just like it did to millions of people worldwide), I had an awful relationship with two family members and was too stubborn to accept my bad behavior, apologize and change for better, as with my personal life, I rushed into a situation that perhaps wasn’t the right time or place and thanks to my immaturity and other factors, things REALLY hit the roof! At around the same time I lost a much loved person in my life that it was too difficult to bear the pain, I was barely recovering when I had a slight car accident right before Christmas, it was a hit and run in which I lost a lot of time, money, energy and effort. Then December 24th came and I was jobless for almost three weeks without generating an income of course. For some reason that season has always been melancholic for me and for many people as well. I don’t know why we get sad because those moments are supposed to be moments of joy, to renew our souls, to repent for our sins and to try not to make the same mistakes again, it is a time that gives us another opportunity to be better people.
The beginning of 2009 was slow, quiet, things were very promising, I was certain that there were many blessings to come soon since almost everything had gone down a few weeks earlier, something good had to happen! With all these things going wrong I was almost 100% sure and hopeful that my personal life would get better, that my partner and I would be able to work things out, settle our differences which in reality I didn’t think it was something impossible to resolve but neither one of us was going through our best moment, we were dealing with different battles and instead of coming closer, those issues ended up opening a huge abyss between us. I held on to that relationship with all my strength but unfortunately for good or bad things never happened.
Things were getting better, or so I thought! April came bringing another unpleasant surprise along. The internet, TV, the radio, newspapers, and every single media was bombarded with the awful news of the swine flu. “What in the world is that!? Where did it originate? How did it happen?What now?” The entire world came to a halt and everyone was in panic, to this day many people still blame it on Mexico but there are still many speculations and unanswered doubts. I was barely recovering financially and once again me and millions of people were out of work because we had to remain at home to avoid the disease from spreading. There was the president saying “Mexico has always been able to pull through many crisis and we will pull through this one.”
I don’t even recall how long that mess went on for, I was out of work and of course I lost a lot of money once again since I work as an independent contractor. All I remember is that I was very eager to go back to work. “Semana santa” lent came, I was out of work for two weeks and I didn’t generate an income either! When I finally got through that mess life started going back to normality and people were retaking their routines. June and summer came. I was barely starting to heal with my family’s, close friends and my psychologist’s help and with all the things I was doing to come out of the tunnel when I had the worst car accident I’d ever imagined.
I don’t want to talk much about those painful moments because it makes me feel anxious again all I can say is that it wasn’t my fault and it was very time, money and energy consuming. This brought many unpleasant seconds, minutes, hours, days, months. I didn’t have the slightest clue that the next 12 weeks (or more) I’d have to spend most of my time at hospitals, therapy, police departments, the junk yard, meeting strangers, talking to them and getting a ride from them to be able to get to my next stop on time. Being carless and being stranded way out in the outskirts of Guadalajara made me do things I would never do if I hadn’t been in desperate need of a car.
In the midst of that turmoil and that inner battle all I did was curse and cry every single night and day in my idle times and not accept the fact that not one single thing was right in my life – I don’t think I’d ever cried so much in life and I couldn’t even talk about all those things without falling apart because it was too painful but with the divine power of God and time we are all able to find inner peace sooner or later if we hold on to the good things we have in life.
I always tell myself that I won’t write so much next time but I mention all these things because things are so much better and different at this time. It took me a long time to understand and accept the fact that sometimes before we reach the top we must “tocar fondo,” hit the bottom, like they say. In the middle of all those painful moments I neglected to see that despite the fact that everything was going wrong, there were many blessings awaiting for me. Just when I had lost faith in God, in life in myself there were many people who were always there for me every single step of the way and more than anything they never lost faith in me.
The reason why I go back to 2007, 2008 and 2009 and 2010 is because those moments were the most painful episodes of life, getting out of bed was such an ordeal and almost every day I wished that I’d vanished because I didn’t want to be me anymore, I didn’t want to feel but today, right now, at this precise minute as I watch my fingers type, the year ends and I ponder about the fact that I am a few days away from another birthday. In less than five days I will be another year older and I am nothing but thankful with life, God and the many people who never gave up on me. I am very grateful that the year is ending and life has given me not one but many opportunities to lock up all the bad memories in a vault and throw it in the ocean to never come back again.
Now more than ever I am convinced that blessings are disguised as tragedies there’s always something hidden behind every single moment of despair but we have to decipher the code and find our way out. It is those moments that make us really come back to reality and become more human, accept life’s down moments, appreciate the good things, hold on to them, bury the bad ones, learn from them and continue our journey.
The end of this year keeps bringing many blessings and I am very joyful to start two new projects that I’ve wanted with all my heart and God knew how much I desired them. It is now that I can see very clearly and understand the way he manifests himself and how he has a plan for every single human being in this earth. For I had NEVER felt him so close, so direct, as clear as I do now. So I want to celebrate this birthday at peace, I will spend the entire day alone, getting to know myself better, reflecting and being grateful for countless blessings that he has given me.
December 12, 2010
By: Gina Roman
Looking back at 2007, it brought many good moments to my life and as the old year merged with the new one – 2008, it was full of love, promises and hope. Life had brought much more than I had ever desired that often times I thought it was too good to be true; somehow though, shortly after that things took a completely different toll. Unexpected events and my own mistakes made me hit the bottom like never before.
It all started with the economic crisis going down late 2008 (it really hit me just like it did to millions of people worldwide), I had an awful relationship with two family members and was too stubborn to accept my bad behavior, apologize and change for better, as with my personal life, I rushed into a situation that perhaps wasn’t the right time or place and thanks to my immaturity and other factors, things REALLY hit the roof! At around the same time I lost a much loved person in my life that it was too difficult to bear the pain, I was barely recovering when I had a slight car accident right before Christmas, it was a hit and run in which I lost a lot of time, money, energy and effort. Then December 24th came and I was jobless for almost three weeks without generating an income of course. For some reason that season has always been melancholic for me and for many people as well. I don’t know why we get sad because those moments are supposed to be moments of joy, to renew our souls, to repent for our sins and to try not to make the same mistakes again, it is a time that gives us another opportunity to be better people.
The beginning of 2009 was slow, quiet, things were very promising, I was certain that there were many blessings to come soon since almost everything had gone down a few weeks earlier, something good had to happen! With all these things going wrong I was almost 100% sure and hopeful that my personal life would get better, that my partner and I would be able to work things out, settle our differences which in reality I didn’t think it was something impossible to resolve but neither one of us was going through our best moment, we were dealing with different battles and instead of coming closer, those issues ended up opening a huge abyss between us. I held on to that relationship with all my strength but unfortunately for good or bad things never happened.
Things were getting better, or so I thought! April came bringing another unpleasant surprise along. The internet, TV, the radio, newspapers, and every single media was bombarded with the awful news of the swine flu. “What in the world is that!? Where did it originate? How did it happen?What now?” The entire world came to a halt and everyone was in panic, to this day many people still blame it on Mexico but there are still many speculations and unanswered doubts. I was barely recovering financially and once again me and millions of people were out of work because we had to remain at home to avoid the disease from spreading. There was the president saying “Mexico has always been able to pull through many crisis and we will pull through this one.”
I don’t even recall how long that mess went on for, I was out of work and of course I lost a lot of money once again since I work as an independent contractor. All I remember is that I was very eager to go back to work. “Semana santa” lent came, I was out of work for two weeks and I didn’t generate an income either! When I finally got through that mess life started going back to normality and people were retaking their routines. June and summer came. I was barely starting to heal with my family’s, close friends and my psychologist’s help and with all the things I was doing to come out of the tunnel when I had the worst car accident I’d ever imagined.
I don’t want to talk much about those painful moments because it makes me feel anxious again all I can say is that it wasn’t my fault and it was very time, money and energy consuming. This brought many unpleasant seconds, minutes, hours, days, months. I didn’t have the slightest clue that the next 12 weeks (or more) I’d have to spend most of my time at hospitals, therapy, police departments, the junk yard, meeting strangers, talking to them and getting a ride from them to be able to get to my next stop on time. Being carless and being stranded way out in the outskirts of Guadalajara made me do things I would never do if I hadn’t been in desperate need of a car.
In the midst of that turmoil and that inner battle all I did was curse and cry every single night and day in my idle times and not accept the fact that not one single thing was right in my life – I don’t think I’d ever cried so much in life and I couldn’t even talk about all those things without falling apart because it was too painful but with the divine power of God and time we are all able to find inner peace sooner or later if we hold on to the good things we have in life.
I always tell myself that I won’t write so much next time but I mention all these things because things are so much better and different at this time. It took me a long time to understand and accept the fact that sometimes before we reach the top we must “tocar fondo,” hit the bottom, like they say. In the middle of all those painful moments I neglected to see that despite the fact that everything was going wrong, there were many blessings awaiting for me. Just when I had lost faith in God, in life in myself there were many people who were always there for me every single step of the way and more than anything they never lost faith in me.
The reason why I go back to 2007, 2008 and 2009 and 2010 is because those moments were the most painful episodes of life, getting out of bed was such an ordeal and almost every day I wished that I’d vanished because I didn’t want to be me anymore, I didn’t want to feel but today, right now, at this precise minute as I watch my fingers type, the year ends and I ponder about the fact that I am a few days away from another birthday. In less than five days I will be another year older and I am nothing but thankful with life, God and the many people who never gave up on me. I am very grateful that the year is ending and life has given me not one but many opportunities to lock up all the bad memories in a vault and throw it in the ocean to never come back again.
Now more than ever I am convinced that blessings are disguised as tragedies there’s always something hidden behind every single moment of despair but we have to decipher the code and find our way out. It is those moments that make us really come back to reality and become more human, accept life’s down moments, appreciate the good things, hold on to them, bury the bad ones, learn from them and continue our journey.
The end of this year keeps bringing many blessings and I am very joyful to start two new projects that I’ve wanted with all my heart and God knew how much I desired them. It is now that I can see very clearly and understand the way he manifests himself and how he has a plan for every single human being in this earth. For I had NEVER felt him so close, so direct, as clear as I do now. So I want to celebrate this birthday at peace, I will spend the entire day alone, getting to know myself better, reflecting and being grateful for countless blessings that he has given me.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Caballero
Caballero
By: Gina Roman
December 5, 2010
I meant to publish this before but I was somewhat hesitant about it because I wanted to keep this to myself. I am so selfish when it comes to creating something. Especially because it has a special meaning so I wanted it FOR MY EYES ONLY but what the heck!
It’s Friday night November 19, after such a long, intense and overwhelming day, I am sitting in the living room (of a relative’s house, one of my aunts through my mom’s side) putting all the pieces together for my next article after that intense and risky interview I did earlier this morning. Reflecting on it has probably been the most challenging and risky interview I’ve ever done because there are too many people and things at stake, even I so it is better to let sleeping dogs for the time being. The only thought of this morning and the knot I felt on my throat doubting whether or not I’d be able to pull through this one made me feel this profound anxiety in my stomach and I felt very nauseated again so I much rather incline towards the most pleasant part of my day.
After all this tossing and turning and a sleepless night, I started my day at 4:30 am to be at the airport at 6 to head to Mexico City for a few reasons that I mentioned before. Taking a siesta on the plane was out of the question since my mind was restless as usual thinking of how I Never in life did I have the slightest clue of what I’d be doing in Mexico but here I am.
I was very happy to arrive to the airport on time to meet a friend of mine that I am very fond of ("G", I may have already mentioned him). "G" is one of the most special male friends I’ve ever met because ever since we met he has been very transparent and natural, “he is simply himself.” He doesn’t have to hide behind a mask and pretend he is someone else and that is what really drew me to make him a part of my life time friends.
I don’t meant to brag about the men I’ve met but let’s say that cipher has been more than enough to get my share of losers, stoners, lazy asses, jerk offs, abusers, conformists, jackasses, cheaters, liars, selfish, vain, flakes, arrogant dudes who always try to impress me and every single woman with their arrogance or they try to hold me back. With this said, I am not implying that I am a high maintenance woman or the hottest chick in town. NOT at all, I can be that sure! but what REALLY impresses me is a man who is very down to earth, someone who’s got his feet well grounded, someone who has dreams and goals and actually achieves them, someone who is not full of himself, someone who has gone through down times to get to the top, someone who understands and accepts the fact that I am multicultural, someone who is able to see outside his narrow little world and likes and enjoys helping those in need, someone who likes to workout (within reason) someone who is hard working and more than anything an honest and transparent man, a TRUE “caballero” (gentleman);
Yeah! That’s the most proper adjective to describe the man who really impresses me. Now, let’s say that I was not used to that because in the U. S. men are not as traditional as in Mexico - at least before because nowadays most men are such savage beasts everywhere you go.
So to make the long and boring story short, “G” is a REAL “caballero,” (a gentleman). This adjective is the most proper word to describe him; actually he describes this adjective. I can count the few priceless moments I’ve seen him but each time I see him he is always “G.” He is very polite and he knows how to treat a woman, he opens the door of the car, he pulls the chair for me to sit down when we’ve gone out for lunch and when he compliments me he finds the most proper and sweet words; to him I always look good even if I had a piece of gum stuck on my hair, he’d still think I’m “guapa,” like he’s told me many times.
When we met I was going through the worst crisis in my life and when the simple fact of getting out of bed in the morning was such an ordeal. I’ve always taken care of my “persona” especially since I am a health and fitness advisor but at that moment sadness was eating me up and every single part of my body and pore of my face reflected it, I lost so much weight that I soon started looking puny and skeletal but he still thought I looked good.
I am only putting my mind to work as usual and perhaps other people may not be able to see what I see in him. Most of the time I am way more analytical and observative than a lot of humans but this intense day really left me thinking even more and I wonder if people reflect as much as I do or if they do at all. “Perhaps, as for Gina Yoryet, she must get that from being a writer and all the investigation and research involved, plus she gets that from the chismosa (gossip) within.” LOL!
BUT right now at this precise moment, I think and the more I reflect, the more amazed I get and I realize how much knowledge I lack of my surroundings, of my culture, my community, my world, my universe, of myself and the more I think about how much I don’t know I feel more ignorant and dummy. That is one of the reasons why I love to manifest myself through writing and as I manifest my thoughts on paper, I watch as my fingers grip, staring at the pen moving upon the paper…………I am amazed as I observe the way ink creates a word, the way that word creates a meaning and the way the meaning creates a purpose and the way the purpose creates an action and how the action creates a destiny and how EACH human being creates their own destiny. As for me, that destiny is writing. Life without writing would be pointless as it has become part of me; it complements the person I am now because it helps me learn everything into more depth.
As for “G” I strongly believe that we meet people for a reason so he came to my life to stay forever, not as a partner but as a lifetime close friend. It doesn’t matter whether or not we see each other once a year or once every five years, he’ll always be that “caballero” friend who will appreciate me as the woman I am and he’ll make me feel “guapa” again.
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