Thankful 2010
Wednesday November 23rd, 2010
Queridos Familia y Amigos
I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for your love, encouragement and support in 2010 and throughout life; whether it’s been your prayers, positive vibes, money, or letting me vent on the phone….I would not have been able to experience this insightful journey in Mexico (that has not ended) without all of you. Hermanas preciosas, my role models, my inspiration I don’t have the words to express all my admiration, gratitude and respect for each one of you.… Susy, Mandy, Tammy and Lily Muchas Gracias por ser parte de mi vida, I love you beautiful ladies! Mayte, prima querida pero más loca que nadie que he conocido, tú sabes que te quiero y te apoyo en todas tus locuras. Norma my priceless and gorgeous prima, thanks for all the good times and all the advice you’ve given me throughout all these years, it doesn’t matter whether or not we see each other as often as we may wish as long as we know that we love each other and we’ll always be just a phone call or email away. Having lived in Guadalajara for a little over five years has brought many wonderful…… and bad experiences which have opened my eyes to a whole new world that has been a part of me since the day I was born but I neglected to see it for a long time. Ojo: lots of espanglish ahead.
Esta mañana as I took a cold shower I had time to reflect about all the turmoil and tragedies happening in México and I couldn’t help but feel a profound emptiness in my heart and in my soul but at the same time I felt VERY grateful for all the amazing things and wonderful people in my journey. Although Thanksgiving is THE perfect day to appreciate the countless blessings in our lives we don’t have to await for this specific holiday as each day is a new promise and it gives us many chances to start anew.
So before expressing my appreciation I’d like to ponder on some of the experiences I’ve been through which have made me feel even more fortunate.
In 2005 when I was part of la otra campaña I was able to see……………………...
Men and women working 14-16 hour days for 45 pesos or roughly $4.50; the organization, solidarity, and unity of different types of people not only on a national level, but an international one; the presence of chicanos, mexicanos and people del otro lado; people fighting and struggling their entire lives; an anger so deep that they are willing to die fighting, not for money or richness, but for their families and land, their mother earth.
I learned……
That the only way to really see and listen is with the heart; people who have less, offer the most; and most of all, I have learned that before we can even think about changing our community, our country, the world, the change must start within each one of us. I have also learned to be self dependent because no one will always be there to do everything for me, the way it was before.
After listening to the voices of these people I began to feel their pain and suffering. Throughout my travels, their stories and their palabras began touching my heart. Listening to them sent shivers through my body; but their anger, resistance and courage began to run through my veins and stirred something inside of me. During these brief but profound moments in la Otra Campaña, each child I played with, don o doña I spoke with, each danza o cancion I heard began to touch my Corazon, until I realized it was filled with love for this country, this culture, this raza-mi raza. And then I concluded that we truly are connected, and although I am from el otro lado, las raices run through my blood and the border really is only an imaginary line, because no migra, minute man, or muro can keep our hearts from uniting and fighting for what we believe and know……..that another world is possible------Otro mundo sí es possible!!!
In the end, I experienced a personal transformation that changed me indefinitely, and I have all of you to thank for being a part of this journey we call life.
That’s why today I am even more thankful for all these things and moreover to be alive:
For the mother I have who calls me when I am in the middle of class to ask me “¿vas a venir a casa?” “pasa por un kilo de tortillas.” Because I know she’s only a few miles away.
For the siblings I have even though they are oceans away because I know they care about me and time and distance will never matter.
For my crying nephews because they bring peace, hope and happiness into my life. For the taxes I pay to FREAKING hacienda because it means I am another one of their slaves……… I mean, because I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a get together because it means I’ve been surrounded by friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.
For being able to talk to myself during all those long and lonely drives because it means that I have a voice.
For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.
For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech – although “freedom of speech” is the most abstract idea I’ve ever known of.
For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking. And I have been blessed with transportation.
For my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
For the ice cold showers I take in the mornings when I don’t make it to the gym because I don’t know how the damn boiler works and my roommate is never home to help me get it started!
For the lady behind me at church who sings off key because it means I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have something to wear and I don’t have to go out in the street butt naked.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I’ve been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours to wake me up (wait! I don’t need an alarm)
For dealing with insomnia and waking up before the entire world because I can enjoy the day for longer hours.
For I have friends who are thinking about me and accept me as the IMPERFECT human being I am.
For my students that bring so much happiness and special moments to my life.
For the endless mistakes I’ve made because they have forged me into a better person.
For all the “pelados” on the street who yell at me “bombón” when the first ray of sun hasn’t even come out yet because I feel attractive again.
For all those who have pushed me to compete with my own self (and not with others) and strive for the best.
For all the knowledge I have because nobody will ever take it away; it’ll be with me until I cease to exist.
For the fear I’ve felt every single day before I hop out of bed and which has NEVER prevented me from doing a single thing I’ve wanted to do in life.
For every day getting closer to accomplishing the woman I was meant to become.
For having faith once more and for holding on to God.
For being in México once again because I have a mission to accomplish in this country.
For the wisdom marks (wrinkles) on my face because they’re proof that I’ve become a much more intelligent woman.
For having my heart broken for I know what it’s like to love and be loved.
For all the people I’ve met from all walks of life; from the wealthiest individuals to those who live at the bottom of society, in the poorest conditions and in “todos los rincones.”
For those “princesas y guerreras, mujeres de hierro y de cristal,” those women who have been my role models, mentors and unconditional friends.
To Magguie Merino, Ana Gaby Elizondo and Graciela Zamudio for giving me the opportunity to be a part of Acortar Distancias.
Thank God and life for giving me many opportunities and for helping me feel alive and joyful again.
For being able to express myself through writing
To Veronica for being so positive and for giving me strength to keep going and fighting.
And last but not least, I am THANKFUL for the crazy people I work with because they make work interesting and fun (and chaotic at times).
Spirituality, family, work and business ethics, health and fitness, charity work, reading, playing with words, reflecting and embracing the simplicity of life...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Mexico City family reunion
Family reunion in Mexico City
By: Gina Roman
November 21st, 2010
Being able to welcome the light of a new day is one of the many blessings in life and what’s even better is that those moments are free of cost.
Most of the time I welcome the promise of a new day at the crack of dawn when I’m trying to break a sweat at the gym at 5am or sometimes even at 4:45 or 4:50. YIKES! It sounds crazy but yes, when most people are enjoying their last minutes of snooze I am already up and running. Everyone I know thinks I am REAL nut case because they all enjoy sleeping and I do too but I just can’t get myself to sleep in more and sometimes I get frustrated because I automatically wake up at 5am or before even on Sundays!
I don’t even need a damn rooster to wake me up at 5am like people did back in the day in Mexico (some people in the outskirts of the main cities still do) because they are not that technology friendly. I always laugh and tell myself that I literally wake the rooster up!
Before I came down with a knee injury I was able to focus more on my workouts, I worked out like a savage, I’d always kick my butt at the gym with some intense routines – most of them cardio, indoor or outdoor running especially when I used to compete. Now that I can hardly do anything with my left leg I only do brisk walks so my mind tends to wander around, (if my mind could never stay still before, now it is less likely to do it).
That’s why I love staying busy to avoid myself from thinking because sometimes the more we think, the less we act, our mind can be such a tricky traitor and it paralyzes us.
This weekend even though it was busy there was a lot of idle time so I had a lot of time to think. As hard as I tried to take a nap on the flight to Mexico City (I went to D. F. to take care of a few things), it was impossible. Once again my restless mind kept going around in circles about a million things. I thought about all my plans and goals for 2011 and of course I was so excited to meet a very special friend.
On Friday morning I flew to Mexico City for a few reasons. I arrived to the airport at 8am and I met “G” a friend of mine who I’m very fond of (we met late last year when I was in the midst of the worst crisis I’d ever been through). Despite the fact that we never discussed our personal lives there was always so much more to chat and I guess that is the reason we totally clicked from the get go. I won’t go into details about that time in my life but G helped me get myself esteem back, he was always so polite and, “un verdadero caballero,” a true gentleman like they say in Mexico.
To make the story short, we’ve kept in touch since then AND believe it or not we coincided at the airport in Mexico City. We had breakfast together, we chatted between phone calls and text messages. It cracks me up when he always tells me that he’s never too busy for me and the few times we meet up, he’s always on the phone, on his computer, text messaging someone but I understand completely because he’s a business man and first things first.
We are both completely aware that it is almost impossible to meet up because we live in different countries, our work/business, our schedule, our families, etc. but it doesn’t matter, like I told him on the phone when we talked Tuesday night. Regardless of how seldom we see or email each other, he’s a keeper, he’ll always be just a phone call or email away.
After that I had to run outside to meet the person that I was going to interview for an article I have to write. I can’t talk about this issue for the time being; all I can say is that it was a very intense but productive interview, unlike others not because they haven’t been productive but because of the fact that it was a bit risky. There are many people and information involved and there is so much at stake so I won't even go there.
We drove to have lunch at VIPS, and then we went to his house to get the interview done without interruptions. I found out so many things that I'm not surprised about but it sounds like if we were living in a movie.
I thought I wouldn’t be able to pull through this one but I did. I felt relieved when my cousins picked me up. We went to their house to chat and for an express workout. That was the shortest and lightest workout I’d had in years! Funny because my cousins thought I was so tough on them, they were dripping sweat.
After that I met up my mother, she’s there spending time some with her relatives. There was a huge family reunion on Saturday and I really wanted to see my cousins, aunts and uncles I hadn’t seen in more than 20 years! Some of them I didn’t even know so I was really in the mood of meeting them see what they’re like and chat with them.
On Saturday morning we woke up, got ready and left to the reunion at about 11. I was really in the mood of going out to a quiet bar with my cousins but everybody flaked out at the last minute, “cómo Buenos Mexicanos,” like good Mexicans. I wasn’t surprised or disappointed because I was pretty much dead after the party anyway.
I really don’t know how people have so much energy to party out! I party out VERY seldom and when and if I’m able to get myself together and go out, I can NEVER pull an all nighter or much less dedicate the WHOLE day to just lounge around, eat and, get bored and do NOTHING productive!
Even though I had tons of fun like I hadn’t in years, I felt like I didn’t fit in, I felt like a stranger because our lifestyles don't match at all.
Many times I avoid spending too much time with relatives because they always wonder why I haven’t gotten married or had children. That seems to be their main topic of concern and those things are very suffocating! Plus I hate being the subject of conversation, I despise having to answers questions, give explanations, I hate talking about my personal life and so forth.
Like I said before, we got there at about 11:30am and we left at almost 11pm! That was a LONG time! Even though I was busy dancing, packing down, drinking and chatting, I still missed my quiet weekend! I couldn’t help feeling guilty of not being productive enough.
There was something I found quite interesting, I noticed how everyone has a nickname for everyone and I don’t know how to take that! “negra, cachetón, panzón, cabrón, chaparro, chillón, are some of the names I heard.” I even got one. They think I’m very skinny so they started calling me “huesos,” which means bones or bonny looking. The thing is that I am VERY hyperactive, I can’t sit still for even a minute and they lounge around too much. They think my lifestyle is abnormal because of what I eat and because they think I workout too much.
Nicknaming people is very common among Mexicans, I remember back home when I was in High School and Junior High, Mexican kids were very cruel, they used to call my sisters and I “Chinese bastards,” it really hurt my feelings and made me cry so that must’ve been the reason why I didn’t know what to make out of them addressing each other with a nickname.
There were many things going through my mind since my head was not busy working on something but I was somehow able to escape for about an hour and get a little bit of writing done. I don’t want to break one of my goals (to write) once a week even though it may not be a lot I don’t want to miss a single week without writing and I better get some sleep because there are still a few things to get done before I head back to Guadalajara. I'll get into more detail about this getaway once I'm back in Guadalajara.
By: Gina Roman
November 21st, 2010
Being able to welcome the light of a new day is one of the many blessings in life and what’s even better is that those moments are free of cost.
Most of the time I welcome the promise of a new day at the crack of dawn when I’m trying to break a sweat at the gym at 5am or sometimes even at 4:45 or 4:50. YIKES! It sounds crazy but yes, when most people are enjoying their last minutes of snooze I am already up and running. Everyone I know thinks I am REAL nut case because they all enjoy sleeping and I do too but I just can’t get myself to sleep in more and sometimes I get frustrated because I automatically wake up at 5am or before even on Sundays!
I don’t even need a damn rooster to wake me up at 5am like people did back in the day in Mexico (some people in the outskirts of the main cities still do) because they are not that technology friendly. I always laugh and tell myself that I literally wake the rooster up!
Before I came down with a knee injury I was able to focus more on my workouts, I worked out like a savage, I’d always kick my butt at the gym with some intense routines – most of them cardio, indoor or outdoor running especially when I used to compete. Now that I can hardly do anything with my left leg I only do brisk walks so my mind tends to wander around, (if my mind could never stay still before, now it is less likely to do it).
That’s why I love staying busy to avoid myself from thinking because sometimes the more we think, the less we act, our mind can be such a tricky traitor and it paralyzes us.
This weekend even though it was busy there was a lot of idle time so I had a lot of time to think. As hard as I tried to take a nap on the flight to Mexico City (I went to D. F. to take care of a few things), it was impossible. Once again my restless mind kept going around in circles about a million things. I thought about all my plans and goals for 2011 and of course I was so excited to meet a very special friend.
On Friday morning I flew to Mexico City for a few reasons. I arrived to the airport at 8am and I met “G” a friend of mine who I’m very fond of (we met late last year when I was in the midst of the worst crisis I’d ever been through). Despite the fact that we never discussed our personal lives there was always so much more to chat and I guess that is the reason we totally clicked from the get go. I won’t go into details about that time in my life but G helped me get myself esteem back, he was always so polite and, “un verdadero caballero,” a true gentleman like they say in Mexico.
To make the story short, we’ve kept in touch since then AND believe it or not we coincided at the airport in Mexico City. We had breakfast together, we chatted between phone calls and text messages. It cracks me up when he always tells me that he’s never too busy for me and the few times we meet up, he’s always on the phone, on his computer, text messaging someone but I understand completely because he’s a business man and first things first.
We are both completely aware that it is almost impossible to meet up because we live in different countries, our work/business, our schedule, our families, etc. but it doesn’t matter, like I told him on the phone when we talked Tuesday night. Regardless of how seldom we see or email each other, he’s a keeper, he’ll always be just a phone call or email away.
After that I had to run outside to meet the person that I was going to interview for an article I have to write. I can’t talk about this issue for the time being; all I can say is that it was a very intense but productive interview, unlike others not because they haven’t been productive but because of the fact that it was a bit risky. There are many people and information involved and there is so much at stake so I won't even go there.
We drove to have lunch at VIPS, and then we went to his house to get the interview done without interruptions. I found out so many things that I'm not surprised about but it sounds like if we were living in a movie.
I thought I wouldn’t be able to pull through this one but I did. I felt relieved when my cousins picked me up. We went to their house to chat and for an express workout. That was the shortest and lightest workout I’d had in years! Funny because my cousins thought I was so tough on them, they were dripping sweat.
After that I met up my mother, she’s there spending time some with her relatives. There was a huge family reunion on Saturday and I really wanted to see my cousins, aunts and uncles I hadn’t seen in more than 20 years! Some of them I didn’t even know so I was really in the mood of meeting them see what they’re like and chat with them.
On Saturday morning we woke up, got ready and left to the reunion at about 11. I was really in the mood of going out to a quiet bar with my cousins but everybody flaked out at the last minute, “cómo Buenos Mexicanos,” like good Mexicans. I wasn’t surprised or disappointed because I was pretty much dead after the party anyway.
I really don’t know how people have so much energy to party out! I party out VERY seldom and when and if I’m able to get myself together and go out, I can NEVER pull an all nighter or much less dedicate the WHOLE day to just lounge around, eat and, get bored and do NOTHING productive!
Even though I had tons of fun like I hadn’t in years, I felt like I didn’t fit in, I felt like a stranger because our lifestyles don't match at all.
Many times I avoid spending too much time with relatives because they always wonder why I haven’t gotten married or had children. That seems to be their main topic of concern and those things are very suffocating! Plus I hate being the subject of conversation, I despise having to answers questions, give explanations, I hate talking about my personal life and so forth.
Like I said before, we got there at about 11:30am and we left at almost 11pm! That was a LONG time! Even though I was busy dancing, packing down, drinking and chatting, I still missed my quiet weekend! I couldn’t help feeling guilty of not being productive enough.
There was something I found quite interesting, I noticed how everyone has a nickname for everyone and I don’t know how to take that! “negra, cachetón, panzón, cabrón, chaparro, chillón, are some of the names I heard.” I even got one. They think I’m very skinny so they started calling me “huesos,” which means bones or bonny looking. The thing is that I am VERY hyperactive, I can’t sit still for even a minute and they lounge around too much. They think my lifestyle is abnormal because of what I eat and because they think I workout too much.
Nicknaming people is very common among Mexicans, I remember back home when I was in High School and Junior High, Mexican kids were very cruel, they used to call my sisters and I “Chinese bastards,” it really hurt my feelings and made me cry so that must’ve been the reason why I didn’t know what to make out of them addressing each other with a nickname.
There were many things going through my mind since my head was not busy working on something but I was somehow able to escape for about an hour and get a little bit of writing done. I don’t want to break one of my goals (to write) once a week even though it may not be a lot I don’t want to miss a single week without writing and I better get some sleep because there are still a few things to get done before I head back to Guadalajara. I'll get into more detail about this getaway once I'm back in Guadalajara.
Monday, November 15, 2010
"El Ponchis"
Challenges of the heart
El Ponchis
By: Gina Roman
November 15, 2010
Ok, so I gave up on listening to Madonna on youtube because my internet connection is way too slow upstairs which is where my room is. I could bake a cake and the damn thing would be ready before I can listen to a song without any stops.
Listen to music is on my bucket list of goals to be able to enjoy life a little more. That bucket keeps getting bigger and bigger every time as I fill it up with more wishes and desires.
Another one of many goals for next year is to sleep more because I have a SERIOUS sleeping problem! Earlier this week – on Monday night if I’m not mistaken, I realized that I had barely enough gas to get me to one more place but I didn’t stop to pump gas because it was too late and I was exhausted and annoyed because of the traffic jam due to the opening of ANOTHER casino! As if Guadalajara needed more places like that. I wonder why they don’t invest more money on libraries, art, museums, educational sites, sports facilities, something more productive!
That goes beyond me and I can’t control it so anyhow, I set up my alarm 15 minutes earlier (or so I thought) to make sure I wasn’t late to the gym.
Well when I got the gym I realized that it was 5:15am! It didn’t even feel like it because I was pretty pumped up, I am totally a morning person, the am hours is definitely when I’m at my best. I was thinking of what a nut I am to be awake at the crack of dawn when the majority of the population is trying to squeeze in their last moments of sleep. And also because sometimes I wear myself out to death, it’s about going, going and going until my body can’t take it anymore so I end up “sleeping in.” (Sleeping in for me is 7am).
Another goal is to NOT be so hard on myself when I don’t make it to the gym like this morning I was too tired, I was recovering from the weekend. I went out TWO days in a row! Friday and Saturday, that is to break the record for me because my nights out happen VERY seldom these days.
I also decided to write more on my blog even though my blogs may not be that long, a few short ones here and there throughout the week so I can let everything out of my chest.
One more goal is to dedicate more time to myself since I’ve been pondering on the fact that most of this year and last year everything else came before me; work, my family, charity work, engagements, etc. but my writing, my reading, my time to myself and my workouts were somehow forgotten because I didn’t put as much time into them as I would’ve liked.
I was feeling the guilt trip BIG TIME because “I” was left on the back burner for so long but this weekend was unlike many past weekends. On Friday night, I had a girl’s night out with my mom and my sister in law, we went out for dinner and for a drink, I only had a piña colada and boy did I feel it! I am so not tolerant to alcohol anymore especially when I go on “nun mode” months and months can go by without going out and without tasting a single drop of booze. I was WAY MORE disciplined when I was much younger and when I used to compete long distance, track and field and cross country.
On Saturday morning as sluggish and unmotivated as I was feeling, I forced myself to get up and go get my work out of the way. My lazy side kept telling me not to go, and thought “what’s the point of going if your left knee has been injured forever and you don’t see any signs of recovery?” So I decided to turn off that squeaky complaining voice that kept pulling me towards the blankets, switched my thinking mode off and hopped out of bed. After that I went to work (on a translation that I’ve been working on forever because my client keeps pushing back the deadline) at Starbucks right below my gym. Then I went and got a pedicure, a facial, got my arms waxed and my eyebrows and my hair trimmed, I even got my hair dyed!! To complement that soothing day, that evening I went out to dinner to an exquisite Indian restaurant with my best friend (my sister away from “home”) Mariana and her visiting co-worker from New York, we went to Nude this elegant bar but it was dead and before we knew it, we started dozing off. The crowd was a bit older than us, ha ha! As old as we may feel sometimes, we were definitely the young crowd there that night, everyone else seemed to be in their late 50’s, 60’s. After that we went to “el Callejon de los Rumberos,” this fun salsa place and just when we arrived there was a salsa performance, we got a full scope of those Goddess looking dancers, male and female. Ball room dancers always have amazing bodies which I have a lot of respect for and I feel a little jealous of (in a good way) because I want to look like that!
So no complaints about my weekends because this time “I” was not put in a dusty and hidden vault, I got the whole nine yards! The whole enchilada!
All this special pampering was such a good feeling and I kept thinking about how for the first time I’m REALLY looking forward to the holidays because I will take time off and I have so much to do (for me), I’ll have more time to work out, I’ll be gone for about ten days with part of my family, blah, blah, blah.
I was on cloud number nine, feeling all infatuated until I got connected to the internet and read the news about all the crime and violence going on in Mexico and I was in SHOCK after coming across “El Ponchis” a twelve year old boy in Morelos that is now the highest sought bloodthirsty hitman in Mexico! It was horrifying, it was too much to take; it was extremely sad and empty. Needless to say that brought me back to this crude reality.
Here I was thinking about me and feeling all guilty about not dedicating more time to myself and thinking about all the things I need when in reality I don’t need anything. I am healthy, I have work with its ups and downs but it is still work, I’m not lonely, I have a family, I have a few true friends which is more than enough, my heart is finally at ease, there are so many amazing things in life. It is revolting of how much we think about ourselves; how many times we let our feelings lead us and how many times we think about “I, I, I? For example, how many times have I used “I” in this article? What subject is the protagonist of most if not all of my blogs?
What about El Ponchis (the article didn’t reveal his real name) though? What are the reasons behind him doing this? Where are his parents? What drove him to do this? How did he get influenced into this rubbish? Is he completely conscious of the impact of all the crimes he’s committed? (They show pictures of him slashing a man’s throat, torturing others, pictures of him flashing his weapons, his drugs and his cars) Does he feel remorse? Why is there so much anger in him? Does he enjoy doing this? Is he aware that he’s only twelve and waht he will become as an adult? What was he missing? Was he missing love, affection, money, and understanding? What does he want from life? Who and what deprived him from his childhood and his innocence? Where will he end up? What is destiny holding for him? Does he have other goals and dreams? What demon is he fighting within?
My heart goes out to him and to all the people he’s deprived from life and all the ones he’s hurt.
There are so many mixed emotions inside me right now that I can’t stop writing, I don’t recall how long it’s been since I last wrote so much. Most Sundays I sit in front of my computer staring at it because even though I do come up with tons of ideas I don’t feel inspired to write because I can’t put my ideas together.
Many times I don’t get humanity, we are alive, we love each other, yet we hurt one another, we are able but unwilling to forgive, we hold a grudge forever and many times we are vindictive that we destroy ourselves by destroying others. We are unhappy with all the blessings life has given us. We complain, we feel anxiety, anger, lack of peace, envy, depression, emptiness, bitterness, despair, grief, fear, guilt
The human heart is the most deceitful of all things and it is desperately wicked, we are always guided by our feelings. The word “I” is the most frequently used word all over the world if I’m not mistaken. How many times do we begin a sentence with “I, I feel, I need, I want, I don’t feel, what does life have lined up for me, if only I, I lost all hope in life, I will, I’m afraid?” How many times do people tell you to follow your heart? Our heart is the most deceitful organ in our body because it will focus our mind on what “I want” and it will miss important and obvious aspects of what is better for our loved ones not just “I.”
That is the danger of living being guided by our hearts. But I do believe that we are completely capable of leading our heart by deciding to think about others.
I’ve always been an idealist that’s why Howard Roarke, the main character in Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead” is one of my favorite people even though he doesn’t exist. I believe in this perfect world where somewhere, someday “otro mundo si es possible,” another world is possible! a world in which everyone will be treated equally and looked as a human being and not treated better because of the worth of their house, their car or their business. A world in which nobody would be taken advantage of, somewhere where children like El Ponchis wouldn’t be hurt, abused or corrupted.
The world would change if all of us would stop thinking about “I, I, I, me, me, it is about me and what I want/need desire. Perhaps that will happen in another life cycle and my existence will have ceased before I am able to witness it.
El Ponchis
By: Gina Roman
November 15, 2010
Ok, so I gave up on listening to Madonna on youtube because my internet connection is way too slow upstairs which is where my room is. I could bake a cake and the damn thing would be ready before I can listen to a song without any stops.
Listen to music is on my bucket list of goals to be able to enjoy life a little more. That bucket keeps getting bigger and bigger every time as I fill it up with more wishes and desires.
Another one of many goals for next year is to sleep more because I have a SERIOUS sleeping problem! Earlier this week – on Monday night if I’m not mistaken, I realized that I had barely enough gas to get me to one more place but I didn’t stop to pump gas because it was too late and I was exhausted and annoyed because of the traffic jam due to the opening of ANOTHER casino! As if Guadalajara needed more places like that. I wonder why they don’t invest more money on libraries, art, museums, educational sites, sports facilities, something more productive!
That goes beyond me and I can’t control it so anyhow, I set up my alarm 15 minutes earlier (or so I thought) to make sure I wasn’t late to the gym.
Well when I got the gym I realized that it was 5:15am! It didn’t even feel like it because I was pretty pumped up, I am totally a morning person, the am hours is definitely when I’m at my best. I was thinking of what a nut I am to be awake at the crack of dawn when the majority of the population is trying to squeeze in their last moments of sleep. And also because sometimes I wear myself out to death, it’s about going, going and going until my body can’t take it anymore so I end up “sleeping in.” (Sleeping in for me is 7am).
Another goal is to NOT be so hard on myself when I don’t make it to the gym like this morning I was too tired, I was recovering from the weekend. I went out TWO days in a row! Friday and Saturday, that is to break the record for me because my nights out happen VERY seldom these days.
I also decided to write more on my blog even though my blogs may not be that long, a few short ones here and there throughout the week so I can let everything out of my chest.
One more goal is to dedicate more time to myself since I’ve been pondering on the fact that most of this year and last year everything else came before me; work, my family, charity work, engagements, etc. but my writing, my reading, my time to myself and my workouts were somehow forgotten because I didn’t put as much time into them as I would’ve liked.
I was feeling the guilt trip BIG TIME because “I” was left on the back burner for so long but this weekend was unlike many past weekends. On Friday night, I had a girl’s night out with my mom and my sister in law, we went out for dinner and for a drink, I only had a piña colada and boy did I feel it! I am so not tolerant to alcohol anymore especially when I go on “nun mode” months and months can go by without going out and without tasting a single drop of booze. I was WAY MORE disciplined when I was much younger and when I used to compete long distance, track and field and cross country.
On Saturday morning as sluggish and unmotivated as I was feeling, I forced myself to get up and go get my work out of the way. My lazy side kept telling me not to go, and thought “what’s the point of going if your left knee has been injured forever and you don’t see any signs of recovery?” So I decided to turn off that squeaky complaining voice that kept pulling me towards the blankets, switched my thinking mode off and hopped out of bed. After that I went to work (on a translation that I’ve been working on forever because my client keeps pushing back the deadline) at Starbucks right below my gym. Then I went and got a pedicure, a facial, got my arms waxed and my eyebrows and my hair trimmed, I even got my hair dyed!! To complement that soothing day, that evening I went out to dinner to an exquisite Indian restaurant with my best friend (my sister away from “home”) Mariana and her visiting co-worker from New York, we went to Nude this elegant bar but it was dead and before we knew it, we started dozing off. The crowd was a bit older than us, ha ha! As old as we may feel sometimes, we were definitely the young crowd there that night, everyone else seemed to be in their late 50’s, 60’s. After that we went to “el Callejon de los Rumberos,” this fun salsa place and just when we arrived there was a salsa performance, we got a full scope of those Goddess looking dancers, male and female. Ball room dancers always have amazing bodies which I have a lot of respect for and I feel a little jealous of (in a good way) because I want to look like that!
So no complaints about my weekends because this time “I” was not put in a dusty and hidden vault, I got the whole nine yards! The whole enchilada!
All this special pampering was such a good feeling and I kept thinking about how for the first time I’m REALLY looking forward to the holidays because I will take time off and I have so much to do (for me), I’ll have more time to work out, I’ll be gone for about ten days with part of my family, blah, blah, blah.
I was on cloud number nine, feeling all infatuated until I got connected to the internet and read the news about all the crime and violence going on in Mexico and I was in SHOCK after coming across “El Ponchis” a twelve year old boy in Morelos that is now the highest sought bloodthirsty hitman in Mexico! It was horrifying, it was too much to take; it was extremely sad and empty. Needless to say that brought me back to this crude reality.
Here I was thinking about me and feeling all guilty about not dedicating more time to myself and thinking about all the things I need when in reality I don’t need anything. I am healthy, I have work with its ups and downs but it is still work, I’m not lonely, I have a family, I have a few true friends which is more than enough, my heart is finally at ease, there are so many amazing things in life. It is revolting of how much we think about ourselves; how many times we let our feelings lead us and how many times we think about “I, I, I? For example, how many times have I used “I” in this article? What subject is the protagonist of most if not all of my blogs?
What about El Ponchis (the article didn’t reveal his real name) though? What are the reasons behind him doing this? Where are his parents? What drove him to do this? How did he get influenced into this rubbish? Is he completely conscious of the impact of all the crimes he’s committed? (They show pictures of him slashing a man’s throat, torturing others, pictures of him flashing his weapons, his drugs and his cars) Does he feel remorse? Why is there so much anger in him? Does he enjoy doing this? Is he aware that he’s only twelve and waht he will become as an adult? What was he missing? Was he missing love, affection, money, and understanding? What does he want from life? Who and what deprived him from his childhood and his innocence? Where will he end up? What is destiny holding for him? Does he have other goals and dreams? What demon is he fighting within?
My heart goes out to him and to all the people he’s deprived from life and all the ones he’s hurt.
There are so many mixed emotions inside me right now that I can’t stop writing, I don’t recall how long it’s been since I last wrote so much. Most Sundays I sit in front of my computer staring at it because even though I do come up with tons of ideas I don’t feel inspired to write because I can’t put my ideas together.
Many times I don’t get humanity, we are alive, we love each other, yet we hurt one another, we are able but unwilling to forgive, we hold a grudge forever and many times we are vindictive that we destroy ourselves by destroying others. We are unhappy with all the blessings life has given us. We complain, we feel anxiety, anger, lack of peace, envy, depression, emptiness, bitterness, despair, grief, fear, guilt
The human heart is the most deceitful of all things and it is desperately wicked, we are always guided by our feelings. The word “I” is the most frequently used word all over the world if I’m not mistaken. How many times do we begin a sentence with “I, I feel, I need, I want, I don’t feel, what does life have lined up for me, if only I, I lost all hope in life, I will, I’m afraid?” How many times do people tell you to follow your heart? Our heart is the most deceitful organ in our body because it will focus our mind on what “I want” and it will miss important and obvious aspects of what is better for our loved ones not just “I.”
That is the danger of living being guided by our hearts. But I do believe that we are completely capable of leading our heart by deciding to think about others.
I’ve always been an idealist that’s why Howard Roarke, the main character in Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead” is one of my favorite people even though he doesn’t exist. I believe in this perfect world where somewhere, someday “otro mundo si es possible,” another world is possible! a world in which everyone will be treated equally and looked as a human being and not treated better because of the worth of their house, their car or their business. A world in which nobody would be taken advantage of, somewhere where children like El Ponchis wouldn’t be hurt, abused or corrupted.
The world would change if all of us would stop thinking about “I, I, I, me, me, it is about me and what I want/need desire. Perhaps that will happen in another life cycle and my existence will have ceased before I am able to witness it.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Have more goals in life
November 7, 2010
A few years back my life sketch was somewhat bleak since I hadn’t yet figured out what my purpose in this existence was, except for one thing that has always been present, so transparent and direct; writing, as long as I can recall, I’d always keep a daily journal of everything that happened in my life; growing up looking like a little chubby boy because my mom used to cut my hair extremely short, meeting boys and liking them but they wouldn’t even come close to me because I wasn’t cute, the time I actually started dating my first boyfriend, all the moments I used to rebel against my parents and run away from home only to prove them that I could do whatever I wanted even though I was a minor and still living in their household, the times that I travelled with high school friends and all the memories I have from my sisters when we were growing up.
When I was very young I was a very curious lettile person, there were always questions about everything! But I never pondered on the fact of “THE” purpose in life. Now I know that every single soul in this planet has a purpose but things won’t happen if we don’t act. We must step up and untangle all the codes. Action NOT inaction is what makes us get closer to accomplishing ourselves.
What helps me get closer to realizing the woman I was meant to become is setting weekly goals and actually accomplish them because that is what will get us closer to our aim.
For example I am definitely a morning person, the early hours of the day are when I am at my highest level of energy and as soon as I get up I run to the gym like an unleashed beast to release that fast flow of adrenaline running through me.
Until two weeks ago when I made it a goal to squeeze in “more” time to relax even though it may seem impossible to do that sometimes. Thanks to that goal I’ve been able to sleep in (to me it is to be awake at 7am on a Sunday) more often. So now instead of storming out to get my work out, I linger around in bed for a little longer doing nothing just lying there and then I start reading for about 30 minutes.
Another one of my goals was to update my blog once a week and even though my profile may be plain looking, no color or images in it (at this time), it will change because I’ll add more life to my writing, I’ll add faces, actions, feelings when I get my 5th camera (I always end up dropping them or losing them).
I have this very close friend who had asked me to spend the night a few times in the past but I always beat around the bush so last night I finally did it!
It was unusual to sleep in a new place, although this shouldn’t come as a surprise because the last few weeks I’ve been crashing at my mom’s place whenever it gets too late to get home, I’ve been out for work purposes or I’ve spent the night at another friend’s house, last night was different though, we talked for a rather long time, we brought up many things that we had never discussed in the four or five years we’ve known each other but that didn’t stop the fact of missing my bed, not my house – only my bed. I’ll have to admit that it was nice to have someone to talk to right before going to sleep instead of silently putting my ideas on paper.
There are other goals to be accomplished but it is best to take each day at once and let God work his amazing power and put all the pieces of the puzzle together. Tomorrow is a whole new week and there are many things to be accomplished. Many times the simple fact of getting out of bed and brush our teeth is very hard,we may not always feel energized but why not do your best to start each day with energy and a purpose? Why not start the day by being grateful for all the blessings we have?
A few years back my life sketch was somewhat bleak since I hadn’t yet figured out what my purpose in this existence was, except for one thing that has always been present, so transparent and direct; writing, as long as I can recall, I’d always keep a daily journal of everything that happened in my life; growing up looking like a little chubby boy because my mom used to cut my hair extremely short, meeting boys and liking them but they wouldn’t even come close to me because I wasn’t cute, the time I actually started dating my first boyfriend, all the moments I used to rebel against my parents and run away from home only to prove them that I could do whatever I wanted even though I was a minor and still living in their household, the times that I travelled with high school friends and all the memories I have from my sisters when we were growing up.
When I was very young I was a very curious lettile person, there were always questions about everything! But I never pondered on the fact of “THE” purpose in life. Now I know that every single soul in this planet has a purpose but things won’t happen if we don’t act. We must step up and untangle all the codes. Action NOT inaction is what makes us get closer to accomplishing ourselves.
What helps me get closer to realizing the woman I was meant to become is setting weekly goals and actually accomplish them because that is what will get us closer to our aim.
For example I am definitely a morning person, the early hours of the day are when I am at my highest level of energy and as soon as I get up I run to the gym like an unleashed beast to release that fast flow of adrenaline running through me.
Until two weeks ago when I made it a goal to squeeze in “more” time to relax even though it may seem impossible to do that sometimes. Thanks to that goal I’ve been able to sleep in (to me it is to be awake at 7am on a Sunday) more often. So now instead of storming out to get my work out, I linger around in bed for a little longer doing nothing just lying there and then I start reading for about 30 minutes.
Another one of my goals was to update my blog once a week and even though my profile may be plain looking, no color or images in it (at this time), it will change because I’ll add more life to my writing, I’ll add faces, actions, feelings when I get my 5th camera (I always end up dropping them or losing them).
I have this very close friend who had asked me to spend the night a few times in the past but I always beat around the bush so last night I finally did it!
It was unusual to sleep in a new place, although this shouldn’t come as a surprise because the last few weeks I’ve been crashing at my mom’s place whenever it gets too late to get home, I’ve been out for work purposes or I’ve spent the night at another friend’s house, last night was different though, we talked for a rather long time, we brought up many things that we had never discussed in the four or five years we’ve known each other but that didn’t stop the fact of missing my bed, not my house – only my bed. I’ll have to admit that it was nice to have someone to talk to right before going to sleep instead of silently putting my ideas on paper.
There are other goals to be accomplished but it is best to take each day at once and let God work his amazing power and put all the pieces of the puzzle together. Tomorrow is a whole new week and there are many things to be accomplished. Many times the simple fact of getting out of bed and brush our teeth is very hard,we may not always feel energized but why not do your best to start each day with energy and a purpose? Why not start the day by being grateful for all the blessings we have?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)