Do life experiences define the “I” now?
June5, 2011
By: Gina Roman
This Journal entry was started on Thursday at about 10am when I felt this nostalgia and an unexpected urge to write. I immediately dropped everything and rushed to my pc to type and before long, my fingers started creating words on their own while hearing this inner voice dictating my weekly reflections. (Computers and my faithful companions -“my writers bibles”) make life worhwhile. “What a Writer Needs,” By: Ralph Fletcher, “Rules for Writers,” By Diana Hacker, and “Writing with Style,” By Sue Young.
People always ask me how I'm able to find something to write every week. Sometimes the idea comes as a flash of insight out of the blue, but most weeks I find inspiration in my conversations with others, my own struggles to lead a good life and project good vibes to those surrounding me, when I’m at the gym in the early hours or while driving to twenty different places in one day,
or simply because writing is one of my passions in life and it just comes natural to me. And like the Pan American games slogan says,
“La fuerza de tu pasión te hace imparable.” the strength of your passion makes you unstoppable.
On Wednesday night I stopped by a friend’s house and while I waited for her to come downstairs, the fish tank caught my attention. I attentatively observed the fish sitting there other than not doing a single thing, they were looking right at me. Perhaps there were not even aware of my presence as they lazed in the water. Perhaps this picture doesn’t symbolize any importance to many but I always look at the whole Picture of things so my mind started wandering to many years ago when I was much younger.
One of the biggest and most important experiences I have ever accomplished was compete in the Women’s Track and Field and Cross Country teams. I made that happen because I desired it with all my heart but that was the only event happening....
Many things I wanted “weren’t happening” so one night I lay in bed and pondered on why my life was idle like a huge plank of wood in a river without draught. Deep down I knew that I was letting life go by and I wasn’t taking much action. For many years I lingered around just like the fish in the tank.
Since that night I decided to lock procrastination in and leave it behind by taking a stand and make things happen. I started doing volunteer work at an Animal Shelter; walking the dogs, bathing them, feeding them, playing with them, cleaning their cages, feeding and petting the bunnies brought so much peace and joy that to this day it has been one of the best things I’ve done for me and for those amazing creatures.
I also became part of Latina Leadership Network in which we mentored younger Latinas to find their route in life; personally, spiritually, professionally, etc. I also joined a catholic youth group that taught young people morals, values, and helped us stay focused in life. These experiences and many more helped me define the person I am now but I always ask myself, "is this it?"
Looking back at my life in Sacramento it was a very idle and monotonous existence and I would’ve unconsciously conformed with that. Perhaps that was good enough at that place and moment.
Unlike my stay here where I’ve faced many challenges that have forged me into a more responsable and humane woman.
Now that I’ve been in México for six years, I am very grateful for all the incomparable moments I’ve lived. Had I stayed in the U. S., I would’ve neglected to see “another” life, another world. I would’ve neglected to appreciate the true beauty of life and not accepted the fact that there won’t always be someone doing everything else for me (even though I am not the youngest in my family, my sisters always did everything for me; cleaning, my laundry, my food, my Shopping – I didn’t have to lift one single finger because I was always the spoiled one).
Had I stayed in the U. S, I wouldn’t have challenged myself to strive for better and maximize my potential.
Had I not made it to México I would’ve NEVER understood others; people here work harder to barely make it. Neither would I have been able to see and appreciate the fact that those who have less are the ones who give the most even though for many, their dreams and goals are only an abstract idea because they will never have the financial means to accomplish them.
Being here has made me be aware of other people’s needs and realize that I had a bit “too much” in the U. S. like; running out of gas was out of the question, having to worry about sky high phone fees was not an issue either, worrying about not having a car never even crossed my mind, my car was always a few steps away.
México has taught me that I can withstand and overcome many obstacles that will slow down my journey temporarily but they will NEVER defeat me despite the fear I’ve felt every morning before I hop out of bed. THANK God it is only an abstract idea.
Here I’ve gotten to know myself more than ever, what makes me if not radiant in happiness, I've at least found what gives me peace and I can cherish those quiet moments to meditate and ponder on how I can become a better being and be ready for what is lying ahead, what mission awaits at the end of my journey.
And it’s definitely helped me find and stick to my sanctuary which are writing, my workouts, my family (even though they are thousands of miles away), doing charity work, reading, fighting day by day to reach the goals I set, to defeat my physical pain.....
In my life now I am juggling many more activities than I was ever able to imagine. And although those activities leave me very little time for me sometimes, I am happy with the woman I have become, with the things that I’ve accomplished. The mental discipline that I’ve developed, somethingI’ve always long for. A mental discipline much more intense than when I used to turn on to “nun mode” back in college when I was in the Women’s Athletic team, as much as I loved to party out, I didn’t do it because that was going to deteriorate my performance.
Perhaps I would have never impulsed myself to accomplish more.
Maybe I would’ve never met wonderful women like A. W. C. P., M. S., M. E. T., .C. W., J. D,
Perhaps I would have never gotten out of my gigantic bubble and known that famine is a major issue and how many hungry people linger on the streets.
Maybe I would’ve never stopped putting “I” first. Someone once told me, “When the world stops being selfish and thinking about “me,” “me,” “me” that’s when the world will change.
Perhaps I wouldn't even haven known what
the population is in México and out of those milions of women how many prostitute themselves because of their desperate need to come out of misery, or much less would I have known the rate of alcoholism.
Perhaps I would’ve never stopped complaining that I didn’t have enough clothes, shoes, a nicer and newer car.
Maybe I would’ve never felt exhaustion at the end of the day because I would be too busy getting bored since “there wasn’t anything to do.”
Perhaps I would’ve never known how to appreciate the colors, the life, the joy, the real “simple life” in Mexico.
Perhaps I would’ve never been so interested in knowing so much about “me,” my world, my culture, this country, my surroundings.
Perhaps I would’ve always stuck to wearing a meager variety of colors, Black, navy blue, dark gray, and brown.
Perhaps I would’ve always neglected to read more literature or enjoyed more Mexican/Hispanic writers, like Octavio Paz, Carlos Cuauhtemoc Sánchez, Gabriel García Márquez, or I would’ve stuck to Georgia O’keeffe instead of appreciating Frida Kahlo, Diego Rivera, etc,
Perhaps I would’ve never defined my dreams, goals and my passion. Perhaps I would’ve never felt motivated to lead a healthier lifestyle, perhaps I wouldn’t
have challenged myself to do more and to start writing every week like I always wanted to but I “never found the right place or time.”
Perhaps I wouldn’t have maximized my potential nor learned to juggle a lot more than what I thought I could; working independently, health and fitness, writing, reading more, doing charity work
Every single experience I’ve gone through in Mexico has been priceless although many times I push things a bit too far(dangerous situations). Even though I’ve always been one to hussle for more to do although I love monotony as it is those daily activities what keep me going.
Every single day that I’ve been in México has given me signs of my purpose. God manifests himself in many ways and I had never felt him so close, so intense, so direct, so clear and I am very grateful for being here once again as it has been a priceless experience that I would have never even come close to living all the things I’ve experienced.....
There will always be more, I will NEVER slow down; why should I? There will be plenty of time to rest when I die.
My list of goals this year was longer than ever and what makes me feel more satisfied and even more fulfilled is that every single one of them is being accomplished little by little.
It is the simple things in life that define who we are.....
