Love vs. Infatuation

Love vs. infatuation

March 13, 2013

By: Gina Yoryet Roman

Right before I stepped inside home two nights ago, I was practically typing some writing ideas that came up, for them not to slip through my mind (that happens all the time). The second reason was because I longed for writing due to not meeting my weekly goal. Every time I don't do something I really like frequently enough (working out, writing, reading and praying and volunteer work), I can easily get seized under angst and solitude.

My writing goals look like this: Post onTuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, and alternate another day of the week adding one more post. 

Reality is otherwise, owing that to my unstable and hectic multi-tasking agenda.

I get small and sometimes long translation and proofreading projects that have an immediate deadline.

I start new courses when the young athletes and/or High School students I work with, need to prepare for a special exam.

Working independently has many advantages as well as disadvantages. I can be working at all times. Sometimes I find it exceedingly overwhelming to keep up with my work and personal email accounts. 

On top of that, I try to schedule three or four workout sessions a week and a power walk or some type of movement on my non-workout days because I am in complete disagreement with sluggishness. 

Once upon a time there was 'me,' reading time. I still do A LOT of reading but not necessarily a topic of my preference. I have each one of my classes read a book to increase the reading literacy in Mexico so there's never reading scarcity in my life. 

I try to attend mass as many days of the week plus Sundays, but that can only happen in a perfect world.

In an unmarred sphere, life would be nice and rosy….

I am constantly juggling four or five crystal balls and when I can't seem to maneuver all of them in the right direction, I start questioning what needs to be forsaken for me to lighten the weight on my shoulders.  

These are the types of questions that rummage through my tireless brain:

1) How much do you love working out? What is it the main attraction? The inner/outer aspect, is it vanity, health? Are your crack of dawn workouts worth your while? What are you trying to gain from this? Would you be able to give this activity up? Is it infatuation or true love? 

2) Are you really in love with writing or are you only infatuated? Is it your competitive and high-standard nature that pushes you to do more? What is the purpose of it? Will you have some type of reward? Perhaps you should think things over and forgo this 'burden?'

3) Are you honestly enraptured in teaching? Were you really a natural born teacher like grandpa told you during your early adolescence? Will you carry on with this career choice forever? Love vs. infatuation. Ponder upon it, love, infatuation, or infatuation, love?

4) What does translating/interpreting represent in your life? Do you see the signs that this is a lifetime profession? Why did you incline towards this career choice? How much longer will you be able to cope with the highly demanding deadlines and stress? Look at both palms of your hands. One of them is love, the other, infatuation. Which of the two would better reflect your real feelings?

5) When I meet a man I TOTALLY like, I can immediately tell whether it is infatuation or love. From moment one, INFATUATION takes over. That fascination can last days, weeks or even months. When I know deep down from my heart that he is not for me, I combat that sensation to cut out the frenzy from the root. I withdraw completely by not  calling, emailing, skippe'ing, facebooking, text/instant messaging or any type of contact. 

I have a tendency to stumble over insignificant, temporary, empty and vain obstacles, that's when I have to separate the two sentiments. Why do get so hung up over this hurdle?  As the independent woman I've been for many years, I am pretty much together in many aspects, thus, when the idea of losing the incredible self-control I always claim to have hits me, it is very daunting! Am I enamored or beguiled with willpower? 

My current doubts and distractions are a perfect fit for that Déjà vu, (the experience of thinking that a new situation had occurred before). Perhaps it is something new.That feeling is unbeknownst to me, all I know is that there's something out there that I cannot resist and I haven't got the will to resist or fight it. I am mentally disturbed (in a good way). The unveiling truth of me wanting to clear and define the why, how, when, where… what I was meant to be…

"Only time reveals the truth. You can go and investigate if you want, but you must be careful."

'Time is the best remedy to enrich, heal and cleanse our mind, body and soul...