It is what it is for what it is

It is what it is for what it is

Original post written on

July 19, 2013

By: Gina Yoryet Roman

Long ago I always looked forward to confessing everything to my journal the way it was for what it was; pure, clear, transparent, see-through, crystal clear, translucent, articulate, clean-cut, fortright, frank, honest, plain, unambiguous, unequivocal, certain, unmistakable, candid, bare-faced, a cara limpia, and innocent, to later revive each moment when I skimmed through it. Writing was a therapy that soothed my soul that is why my daybook became one of my most faithful companions during the later years of my childhood, all through Middle School, later in High School and part of college. 

The engraved words on a piece of paper narrated and revealed who I was. They  witnessed the name of the first boy I liked, the very first moment I sneaked out of the house when I was not allowed to go out, the first time I was tattooed, and uncountable moments. 

When I started competing I poured out all my fears, insecurities and weaknesses to it because I neglected to confess it to family or friends as I was brought up by a woman warrior who taught us NOT to grieve about unimportant matters and to NEVER EVER wimp out on ANYTHING or ANYONE under ANY circumstances. Many confessions were captured in those narrow pages for ‘my own good,’ or so I made myself believe it. My journal and pillow were my two advisors who knew my strengths and weaknesses, my wishes and desires and my good and bad habits. When I reached adolescence my companion attested how my love for sports started thriving  and for many years I thought of joining a team but was too hesitant. At a later stage in life I considered trying out for the track and field and cross country team but the few extra pounds integrated in my arms, thighs and belly didn’t leave room for enduring long runs so my fear of being rejected only increased. I eventually shed all that extra flesh, gathered the courage to do it and it’s all history now. 

One thing I never spilled out to my log (more so because I was still unacquainted with being blessed with the gift of writing and oblivious that I would later give more life to this endowment ), was that I’d become more devoted to this principle through a blog! I grew up without planning, setting goals or accomplishing them. The idea of a blog came unexpectedly after I dared to write for La Voz, The Voice, a local magazine where I did volunteer work, and later for a magazine for the Lake Chapala community in 2009. But all along I wanted to express myself about the things I chose, as opposed to what I was told. I wanted my writing to be what it was for what it was, a mirror of my drives, passions, what I live and stand for. 

Only this time I settled upon keeping certain things to myself because I would not be the only one reading my words. I’ve always been very selfish with my personal life (only during a very difficult period in life I wanted the entire world to know about my pain so I exposed a lot to too many people but I learnt my lesson to keep my lips sealed). One of my ex-boyfriends emphasized every so often that I was too mysterious, cold, distant and he was never able to read me. Never reveal too much is a key element in my life not because I am trying to conceal who I am because one day my real self will be disclosed, but only because I choose to go incognito. In different occasions when I dated other guys, their comments coincided, “you are very secretive, distant, cold, I can’t reach out to you completely because you are you’re hard to read.”

Not saying too much that can later be used against me has always worked for Gina Yoryet, I want to dictate my existence as it is for what it is through my abc’s: Spirituality, family, work and business ethics, health and fitness, charity work, reading, playing with words, reflecting and embracing the simplicity of lifealthough I stumble and fail from time to time, despite losing focus, in spite of the lack of motivation, even though time is tight and I am unable to put more time into my passions...