My Spirit is Running Dry

My Spirit is running dry

July 4, 2018

By: Gina Yoryet Román

I don´t normally have quiet moments, “Me,” moments because there’s always someone blasting the volume of tv, the radio or the stereo nonstop, day and night, or there’s someone pulling me away from one of my ABC’s. Although this is my excuse number one to have given up one of my greatest passions of all time, there are other factors lying underneath it all.

Last year, towards the end of December I went through a drastic and abrupt life change. I also made a transition to the next decade. In addition to that, once again I went through a huge loss. During that hasty progression, all I thought was, “I won’t be able to get through this winter, not so much the weather itself, but the never ending internal winter…but somehow I pulled through the deep cracks.

Now I’m back to where I started with a new beginning, yet I didn’t expect to encounter several downturns. Since my return, I’ve gone through one disappointment after another (personal, family, professional, among others). At times I’ve felt as though I am fighting this battle alone.  Last week I had to do some intense soul searching when I came very close to giving up my childhood dream turned into passion, my passion diverted into my reality, my verdict that reveals my essence and proves that obstacles are nothing but tiny matters. My spirit was withering painfully little by little until I came to terms with myself and rose to the occasion.

As much as I may want what Ayn Ran once said, I have to remind myself that this journey called life can be a tough cookie to crack.

“I want to see, real, living, and in the hours of my own days, that glory I create as an illusion. I want it real. I want to know that there is someone, somewhere, who wants it, too. Or else what is the use of seeing it, and working, and burning oneself for an impossible vision? A spirit, too, needs fuel. It can run dry.”

I also have to be cognizant of the fact that not everyone will have the same determined mindset than me, or much less will most people hold high standards in any way. I have to bear in mind that this venture can be, and will be a very lone spiritual path. As daunting as it may be, this is the road that I chose, the less travelled road. Given this, I have to plunge into it and retaliate against all odds by dreaming, brainstorming, writing, planning, strategizing even harder to reach the summit that is one step closer to me every day that goes by.

My lonely path began years ago, when I was in my twenties. Back then, I made one of the most important life-changing decisions and quit my corporate job. Never again have I looked back. Today when I contemplated the documents that are setting the next milestone in my life, I realized that just when my spirit may have been running dry, there’s always hope, and someone out there that wants it as much as I do. I know deep down in my heart that I can share my vision with someone, so tonight I can be at ease and know that…

There is a Glory, and one day the use of dreaming it, visualizing it, manifesting it, wanting it, working for it, fighting for it against all odds, will persuade me to focus more than ever.