Challenges of the heart
El Ponchis
By: Gina Roman
November 15, 2010
Ok, so I gave up on listening to Madonna on youtube because my internet connection is way too slow upstairs which is where my room is. I could bake a cake and the damn thing would be ready before I can listen to a song without any stops.
Listen to music is on my bucket list of goals to be able to enjoy life a little more. That bucket keeps getting bigger and bigger every time as I fill it up with more wishes and desires.
Another one of many goals for next year is to sleep more because I have a SERIOUS sleeping problem! Earlier this week – on Monday night if I’m not mistaken, I realized that I had barely enough gas to get me to one more place but I didn’t stop to pump gas because it was too late and I was exhausted and annoyed because of the traffic jam due to the opening of ANOTHER casino! As if Guadalajara needed more places like that. I wonder why they don’t invest more money on libraries, art, museums, educational sites, sports facilities, something more productive!
That goes beyond me and I can’t control it so anyhow, I set up my alarm 15 minutes earlier (or so I thought) to make sure I wasn’t late to the gym.
Well when I got the gym I realized that it was 5:15am! It didn’t even feel like it because I was pretty pumped up, I am totally a morning person, the am hours is definitely when I’m at my best. I was thinking of what a nut I am to be awake at the crack of dawn when the majority of the population is trying to squeeze in their last moments of sleep. And also because sometimes I wear myself out to death, it’s about going, going and going until my body can’t take it anymore so I end up “sleeping in.” (Sleeping in for me is 7am).
Another goal is to NOT be so hard on myself when I don’t make it to the gym like this morning I was too tired, I was recovering from the weekend. I went out TWO days in a row! Friday and Saturday, that is to break the record for me because my nights out happen VERY seldom these days.
I also decided to write more on my blog even though my blogs may not be that long, a few short ones here and there throughout the week so I can let everything out of my chest.
One more goal is to dedicate more time to myself since I’ve been pondering on the fact that most of this year and last year everything else came before me; work, my family, charity work, engagements, etc. but my writing, my reading, my time to myself and my workouts were somehow forgotten because I didn’t put as much time into them as I would’ve liked.
I was feeling the guilt trip BIG TIME because “I” was left on the back burner for so long but this weekend was unlike many past weekends. On Friday night, I had a girl’s night out with my mom and my sister in law, we went out for dinner and for a drink, I only had a piña colada and boy did I feel it! I am so not tolerant to alcohol anymore especially when I go on “nun mode” months and months can go by without going out and without tasting a single drop of booze. I was WAY MORE disciplined when I was much younger and when I used to compete long distance, track and field and cross country.
On Saturday morning as sluggish and unmotivated as I was feeling, I forced myself to get up and go get my work out of the way. My lazy side kept telling me not to go, and thought “what’s the point of going if your left knee has been injured forever and you don’t see any signs of recovery?” So I decided to turn off that squeaky complaining voice that kept pulling me towards the blankets, switched my thinking mode off and hopped out of bed. After that I went to work (on a translation that I’ve been working on forever because my client keeps pushing back the deadline) at Starbucks right below my gym. Then I went and got a pedicure, a facial, got my arms waxed and my eyebrows and my hair trimmed, I even got my hair dyed!! To complement that soothing day, that evening I went out to dinner to an exquisite Indian restaurant with my best friend (my sister away from “home”) Mariana and her visiting co-worker from New York, we went to Nude this elegant bar but it was dead and before we knew it, we started dozing off. The crowd was a bit older than us, ha ha! As old as we may feel sometimes, we were definitely the young crowd there that night, everyone else seemed to be in their late 50’s, 60’s. After that we went to “el Callejon de los Rumberos,” this fun salsa place and just when we arrived there was a salsa performance, we got a full scope of those Goddess looking dancers, male and female. Ball room dancers always have amazing bodies which I have a lot of respect for and I feel a little jealous of (in a good way) because I want to look like that!
So no complaints about my weekends because this time “I” was not put in a dusty and hidden vault, I got the whole nine yards! The whole enchilada!
All this special pampering was such a good feeling and I kept thinking about how for the first time I’m REALLY looking forward to the holidays because I will take time off and I have so much to do (for me), I’ll have more time to work out, I’ll be gone for about ten days with part of my family, blah, blah, blah.
I was on cloud number nine, feeling all infatuated until I got connected to the internet and read the news about all the crime and violence going on in Mexico and I was in SHOCK after coming across “El Ponchis” a twelve year old boy in Morelos that is now the highest sought bloodthirsty hitman in Mexico! It was horrifying, it was too much to take; it was extremely sad and empty. Needless to say that brought me back to this crude reality.
Here I was thinking about me and feeling all guilty about not dedicating more time to myself and thinking about all the things I need when in reality I don’t need anything. I am healthy, I have work with its ups and downs but it is still work, I’m not lonely, I have a family, I have a few true friends which is more than enough, my heart is finally at ease, there are so many amazing things in life. It is revolting of how much we think about ourselves; how many times we let our feelings lead us and how many times we think about “I, I, I? For example, how many times have I used “I” in this article? What subject is the protagonist of most if not all of my blogs?
What about El Ponchis (the article didn’t reveal his real name) though? What are the reasons behind him doing this? Where are his parents? What drove him to do this? How did he get influenced into this rubbish? Is he completely conscious of the impact of all the crimes he’s committed? (They show pictures of him slashing a man’s throat, torturing others, pictures of him flashing his weapons, his drugs and his cars) Does he feel remorse? Why is there so much anger in him? Does he enjoy doing this? Is he aware that he’s only twelve and waht he will become as an adult? What was he missing? Was he missing love, affection, money, and understanding? What does he want from life? Who and what deprived him from his childhood and his innocence? Where will he end up? What is destiny holding for him? Does he have other goals and dreams? What demon is he fighting within?
My heart goes out to him and to all the people he’s deprived from life and all the ones he’s hurt.
There are so many mixed emotions inside me right now that I can’t stop writing, I don’t recall how long it’s been since I last wrote so much. Most Sundays I sit in front of my computer staring at it because even though I do come up with tons of ideas I don’t feel inspired to write because I can’t put my ideas together.
Many times I don’t get humanity, we are alive, we love each other, yet we hurt one another, we are able but unwilling to forgive, we hold a grudge forever and many times we are vindictive that we destroy ourselves by destroying others. We are unhappy with all the blessings life has given us. We complain, we feel anxiety, anger, lack of peace, envy, depression, emptiness, bitterness, despair, grief, fear, guilt
The human heart is the most deceitful of all things and it is desperately wicked, we are always guided by our feelings. The word “I” is the most frequently used word all over the world if I’m not mistaken. How many times do we begin a sentence with “I, I feel, I need, I want, I don’t feel, what does life have lined up for me, if only I, I lost all hope in life, I will, I’m afraid?” How many times do people tell you to follow your heart? Our heart is the most deceitful organ in our body because it will focus our mind on what “I want” and it will miss important and obvious aspects of what is better for our loved ones not just “I.”
That is the danger of living being guided by our hearts. But I do believe that we are completely capable of leading our heart by deciding to think about others.
I’ve always been an idealist that’s why Howard Roarke, the main character in Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead” is one of my favorite people even though he doesn’t exist. I believe in this perfect world where somewhere, someday “otro mundo si es possible,” another world is possible! a world in which everyone will be treated equally and looked as a human being and not treated better because of the worth of their house, their car or their business. A world in which nobody would be taken advantage of, somewhere where children like El Ponchis wouldn’t be hurt, abused or corrupted.
The world would change if all of us would stop thinking about “I, I, I, me, me, it is about me and what I want/need desire. Perhaps that will happen in another life cycle and my existence will have ceased before I am able to witness it.
Spirituality, family, work and business ethics, health and fitness, charity work, reading, playing with words, reflecting and embracing the simplicity of life...
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Have more goals in life
November 7, 2010
A few years back my life sketch was somewhat bleak since I hadn’t yet figured out what my purpose in this existence was, except for one thing that has always been present, so transparent and direct; writing, as long as I can recall, I’d always keep a daily journal of everything that happened in my life; growing up looking like a little chubby boy because my mom used to cut my hair extremely short, meeting boys and liking them but they wouldn’t even come close to me because I wasn’t cute, the time I actually started dating my first boyfriend, all the moments I used to rebel against my parents and run away from home only to prove them that I could do whatever I wanted even though I was a minor and still living in their household, the times that I travelled with high school friends and all the memories I have from my sisters when we were growing up.
When I was very young I was a very curious lettile person, there were always questions about everything! But I never pondered on the fact of “THE” purpose in life. Now I know that every single soul in this planet has a purpose but things won’t happen if we don’t act. We must step up and untangle all the codes. Action NOT inaction is what makes us get closer to accomplishing ourselves.
What helps me get closer to realizing the woman I was meant to become is setting weekly goals and actually accomplish them because that is what will get us closer to our aim.
For example I am definitely a morning person, the early hours of the day are when I am at my highest level of energy and as soon as I get up I run to the gym like an unleashed beast to release that fast flow of adrenaline running through me.
Until two weeks ago when I made it a goal to squeeze in “more” time to relax even though it may seem impossible to do that sometimes. Thanks to that goal I’ve been able to sleep in (to me it is to be awake at 7am on a Sunday) more often. So now instead of storming out to get my work out, I linger around in bed for a little longer doing nothing just lying there and then I start reading for about 30 minutes.
Another one of my goals was to update my blog once a week and even though my profile may be plain looking, no color or images in it (at this time), it will change because I’ll add more life to my writing, I’ll add faces, actions, feelings when I get my 5th camera (I always end up dropping them or losing them).
I have this very close friend who had asked me to spend the night a few times in the past but I always beat around the bush so last night I finally did it!
It was unusual to sleep in a new place, although this shouldn’t come as a surprise because the last few weeks I’ve been crashing at my mom’s place whenever it gets too late to get home, I’ve been out for work purposes or I’ve spent the night at another friend’s house, last night was different though, we talked for a rather long time, we brought up many things that we had never discussed in the four or five years we’ve known each other but that didn’t stop the fact of missing my bed, not my house – only my bed. I’ll have to admit that it was nice to have someone to talk to right before going to sleep instead of silently putting my ideas on paper.
There are other goals to be accomplished but it is best to take each day at once and let God work his amazing power and put all the pieces of the puzzle together. Tomorrow is a whole new week and there are many things to be accomplished. Many times the simple fact of getting out of bed and brush our teeth is very hard,we may not always feel energized but why not do your best to start each day with energy and a purpose? Why not start the day by being grateful for all the blessings we have?
A few years back my life sketch was somewhat bleak since I hadn’t yet figured out what my purpose in this existence was, except for one thing that has always been present, so transparent and direct; writing, as long as I can recall, I’d always keep a daily journal of everything that happened in my life; growing up looking like a little chubby boy because my mom used to cut my hair extremely short, meeting boys and liking them but they wouldn’t even come close to me because I wasn’t cute, the time I actually started dating my first boyfriend, all the moments I used to rebel against my parents and run away from home only to prove them that I could do whatever I wanted even though I was a minor and still living in their household, the times that I travelled with high school friends and all the memories I have from my sisters when we were growing up.
When I was very young I was a very curious lettile person, there were always questions about everything! But I never pondered on the fact of “THE” purpose in life. Now I know that every single soul in this planet has a purpose but things won’t happen if we don’t act. We must step up and untangle all the codes. Action NOT inaction is what makes us get closer to accomplishing ourselves.
What helps me get closer to realizing the woman I was meant to become is setting weekly goals and actually accomplish them because that is what will get us closer to our aim.
For example I am definitely a morning person, the early hours of the day are when I am at my highest level of energy and as soon as I get up I run to the gym like an unleashed beast to release that fast flow of adrenaline running through me.
Until two weeks ago when I made it a goal to squeeze in “more” time to relax even though it may seem impossible to do that sometimes. Thanks to that goal I’ve been able to sleep in (to me it is to be awake at 7am on a Sunday) more often. So now instead of storming out to get my work out, I linger around in bed for a little longer doing nothing just lying there and then I start reading for about 30 minutes.
Another one of my goals was to update my blog once a week and even though my profile may be plain looking, no color or images in it (at this time), it will change because I’ll add more life to my writing, I’ll add faces, actions, feelings when I get my 5th camera (I always end up dropping them or losing them).
I have this very close friend who had asked me to spend the night a few times in the past but I always beat around the bush so last night I finally did it!
It was unusual to sleep in a new place, although this shouldn’t come as a surprise because the last few weeks I’ve been crashing at my mom’s place whenever it gets too late to get home, I’ve been out for work purposes or I’ve spent the night at another friend’s house, last night was different though, we talked for a rather long time, we brought up many things that we had never discussed in the four or five years we’ve known each other but that didn’t stop the fact of missing my bed, not my house – only my bed. I’ll have to admit that it was nice to have someone to talk to right before going to sleep instead of silently putting my ideas on paper.
There are other goals to be accomplished but it is best to take each day at once and let God work his amazing power and put all the pieces of the puzzle together. Tomorrow is a whole new week and there are many things to be accomplished. Many times the simple fact of getting out of bed and brush our teeth is very hard,we may not always feel energized but why not do your best to start each day with energy and a purpose? Why not start the day by being grateful for all the blessings we have?
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Stop Rushing through life
Stop Rushing through life
Monday was a very calm and quiet day without mentioning all the running around between here and there throughout the day. What I mean when I say calm is that there weren’t any major stress causing factors. I was at ease, I felt so much harmony in my heart and soul unlike other days when I watch the news, all the turmoil going on in the entire world, deaths, crime, drug war, abuse, you name it. Those news are really energy draining and they leave me with a bad feeling in my stomach, feeling distress and despair towards humanity so Monday I decided to start out my week differently and not watch the news first thing in the morning.
I did the usual routine and everything went pretty smooth a, I got home safe and sound, started getting ready for the following day, I was stress free until 9pm when I stormed out to move my car closer to the house because I leave at the crack of dawn most mornings and it is a bit creepy when I come out so the closer my car is to the house the better.
I grabbed my car keys and being in such a rush I didn’t pay attention that I had forgotten to grab the house keys. Needless to say, it dawned on me until I tried to go back into the house. Nothing can ever go perfect! The problem is that I am a very distracted person, I always have so much going on and I always have so many things in my hands that I end up losing or breaking and dropping absolutely everything!
The problem is that there are always too many things going on and knowing me, I always want to do more work than what I can handle and the time to dedicate to myself never comes. I just realized that I’ve forgotten how to have fun and I don’t like that.
The last couple of months work has managed to wrap me around in a very tight and suffocating embrace that it is almost impossible to let go and I always leave “me” on the back burner. “I will get a facial this weekend and get my nails done, visit a new place or go out for a drink,” I say to myself. “Oh! Never mind I won’t have time, I have a dead line to meet, lesson plans to do, etc,” Now it even feels a bit ackward to go out, LOL! I’ve forgotten how to stop and smell the coffee, enjoy life and have fun. There is always so much to do and such little time that I’d love it if the days were longer to get everything done.
Many times it is difficult to get focused in one thing when we are being pulled towards another twenty directions. “Rest!” I tell myself but then I say, “naaaah! I will rest when I die.” So don’t get distracted like me. Notice where your mind is every single moment and also chose to be fully engaged in this activity – whatever you are doing at that precise moment and do everything with love, learn to take love in all the things you do.
Monday was a very calm and quiet day without mentioning all the running around between here and there throughout the day. What I mean when I say calm is that there weren’t any major stress causing factors. I was at ease, I felt so much harmony in my heart and soul unlike other days when I watch the news, all the turmoil going on in the entire world, deaths, crime, drug war, abuse, you name it. Those news are really energy draining and they leave me with a bad feeling in my stomach, feeling distress and despair towards humanity so Monday I decided to start out my week differently and not watch the news first thing in the morning.
I did the usual routine and everything went pretty smooth a, I got home safe and sound, started getting ready for the following day, I was stress free until 9pm when I stormed out to move my car closer to the house because I leave at the crack of dawn most mornings and it is a bit creepy when I come out so the closer my car is to the house the better.
I grabbed my car keys and being in such a rush I didn’t pay attention that I had forgotten to grab the house keys. Needless to say, it dawned on me until I tried to go back into the house. Nothing can ever go perfect! The problem is that I am a very distracted person, I always have so much going on and I always have so many things in my hands that I end up losing or breaking and dropping absolutely everything!
The problem is that there are always too many things going on and knowing me, I always want to do more work than what I can handle and the time to dedicate to myself never comes. I just realized that I’ve forgotten how to have fun and I don’t like that.
The last couple of months work has managed to wrap me around in a very tight and suffocating embrace that it is almost impossible to let go and I always leave “me” on the back burner. “I will get a facial this weekend and get my nails done, visit a new place or go out for a drink,” I say to myself. “Oh! Never mind I won’t have time, I have a dead line to meet, lesson plans to do, etc,” Now it even feels a bit ackward to go out, LOL! I’ve forgotten how to stop and smell the coffee, enjoy life and have fun. There is always so much to do and such little time that I’d love it if the days were longer to get everything done.
Many times it is difficult to get focused in one thing when we are being pulled towards another twenty directions. “Rest!” I tell myself but then I say, “naaaah! I will rest when I die.” So don’t get distracted like me. Notice where your mind is every single moment and also chose to be fully engaged in this activity – whatever you are doing at that precise moment and do everything with love, learn to take love in all the things you do.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Happiness lies within
Happiness lies within
Sunday October 24, 2010
By: Gina Roman
The phone just rang and as soon as I picked up this woman went off blabbering away at a million words per minute that I was unable to catch a single word until I said ok, “stop! Who are you and how can I help you!?” Annoyed as one can get when trying to concentrate to get something done I came close to snapping at this woman and hang up on her immediately after that because I am trying to write and have dinner at the same time. I was barely getting really into my word game here but baahm! The phone rings and I lost my train of thought! It took me a few seconds to gain my coolness and be grateful that I am home on Sunday evening doing something I like and enjoy doing unlike this poor woman on the other line so I decided to be polite and take the time to listen to her for a few minutes.
She was calling from a financial services company trying to sell life insurance and then transferred me to take a survey to rate her services. She asked me something that caught my attention which was, “are you single or married?” I said, “Single.” So she inquired “felizmente soltera?” happily single? I thought about it for a moment until I replied “pues, a veces.” Well, sometimes. Honestly speaking I can say exactly that, “sometimes.” There are moments where I think that it’d be nice to come home to someone but then I snap out of it and I panic and my heart starts beating out of control. If I were married and had children then I’d have to give up my workouts, my writing, perhaps my job, and my moments alone to reflect. Perhaps not completely but I’d definitely not have as much time for "ME" anymore. I don‘t know what would happen, maybe I’d become extremely depressed and die in agony. LOL!
When I was a little girl I used to love writing and as far back as my memory can take me, I’d always keep a diary of everything I went through, like when I rebelled against my father’s overly strict character, I felt like a bird when someone cut its wings he lost his freedom, got depressed and died. So writing has always been my sanctuary, my get away from reality for a short while so I when I get interrupted I can get very irritated and turn into a monster just like when I’m working out and someone approaches me, I know they’re just trying to be friendly or sometimes some random dude may want to hook up or see what he can get; I like to think of my time at the gym as my pedestal where no one can reach me, my place and time where I can get away from everyone and release all my bad vibes without having to hurt anyone.Ha, ha! Or when I don’t eat at my right times I want to put a huge sign saying "don't mess with a hungry girl!" When it comes to my meals of the day I really go by the clock and I get anxious when I don't eat because I don’t function well without food. I get angry, annoyed to the point where I can’t even stand myself. Yuck!
Writing is one of the best gifts I’ve ever been given and even though I don’t even come close to being a professional writer, I still love it because it helps me dig into the most profound space in my heart and get to know myself more. It helps me reflect on what I learn every day and understand many things for instance accepting the fact that sometimes we cannot have everything we want in life, perhaps because God has traced better plans for us way before we were born.
Going back to that comment “happily single,” it made me think of how easy life can be and how complicated humans make our existence miserable for no reason at all. When we want something we do whatever it takes to get it, once we are there we don’t want it anymore, we want something else, it is the same thing with relationships. We want to be with someone, we start a relationship, some of us make it to marriage, commit to this person for life and a few years down the line, “ooops, this person wasn’t the one.” The same way a child is thrilled when he discovers a new toy or another way to get entertained, he gets excited for a while but as soon as he becomes weary of it, he drops it and goes on to discover something else. At least children are the most innocent and transparent human beings in this existence and it is in their nature to behave like that. What about adults though? What excuse do we have?
Nowadays there are very few marriages that make it till the end and I wonder, what did they have to go through to survive the turmoil, the black and white, the good and bad moments together? To this day it is a mystery but I will ask a very happy and solid couple I know. I’ll call her Virginia; a few weeks ago she was diagnosed with leukemia which can turn into cancer. I don’t understand completely what is going on there and I don’t want to ask because everyone is very sensitive at this time. Virginia is one of the most positive women I’ve ever known and despite the fact she’s going through one of the worst moments she still wants to live. She’s being really strong and she is standing up to this battle against death, she’s fighting with every single particle of strength within. Her husband has been there for her every single step of the way. They love life and they are holding on to it because they are so full of peace and love each other on top of everything. That is my example of a beautiful and perfect marriage, they have overcome many obstacles together, they accept one another as they are, and they don’t care about outer beauty because as Virginia once told me, all of that comes second. The beginning stages of a relationship are all physical but that wears out eventually and it becomes second. There are a million more important things ike the moments you go through together, that's when real love is proved.
Thinking about them made me ponder about life, it is a long and intense process which brings us precise moments that touch us very deep inside and give us strength to either stop our existence or keep going with those who truly love us, accept us the way we are and are able to forgive and let go of the bad and painful moments. It is moments like these when we really get to know ourselves and allow us to find the purpose that life has for us. God manifests himself to every single one of us in different ways and I personally hadn’t felt him so close, so strong and so direct to me until last year when I had an awful wreck and I thought I wasn’t going to pull through. At that moment I neglected to see it but now that I look back, I know he was there to give me another opportunity, another chance because he has a plan for me, this plan that I haven’t been able to decipher quite yet but I keep getting closer to it day by day. I was too occupied trying to “recover” other people and things that were not part of God’s plans for me. Life has given me many opportunities and has taught me many lessons for which I am very fortunate because not everyone has chances in this long journey.
Virginia and her husband have also taught me a very important lesson; we may spend many years in life looking for happiness, we may run away from ourselves searching in a million places yet we ignore the fact that it’s been there and it’ll always lie within us.
Moments like these are priceless so let's make peace not war.
Sunday October 24, 2010
By: Gina Roman
The phone just rang and as soon as I picked up this woman went off blabbering away at a million words per minute that I was unable to catch a single word until I said ok, “stop! Who are you and how can I help you!?” Annoyed as one can get when trying to concentrate to get something done I came close to snapping at this woman and hang up on her immediately after that because I am trying to write and have dinner at the same time. I was barely getting really into my word game here but baahm! The phone rings and I lost my train of thought! It took me a few seconds to gain my coolness and be grateful that I am home on Sunday evening doing something I like and enjoy doing unlike this poor woman on the other line so I decided to be polite and take the time to listen to her for a few minutes.
She was calling from a financial services company trying to sell life insurance and then transferred me to take a survey to rate her services. She asked me something that caught my attention which was, “are you single or married?” I said, “Single.” So she inquired “felizmente soltera?” happily single? I thought about it for a moment until I replied “pues, a veces.” Well, sometimes. Honestly speaking I can say exactly that, “sometimes.” There are moments where I think that it’d be nice to come home to someone but then I snap out of it and I panic and my heart starts beating out of control. If I were married and had children then I’d have to give up my workouts, my writing, perhaps my job, and my moments alone to reflect. Perhaps not completely but I’d definitely not have as much time for "ME" anymore. I don‘t know what would happen, maybe I’d become extremely depressed and die in agony. LOL!
When I was a little girl I used to love writing and as far back as my memory can take me, I’d always keep a diary of everything I went through, like when I rebelled against my father’s overly strict character, I felt like a bird when someone cut its wings he lost his freedom, got depressed and died. So writing has always been my sanctuary, my get away from reality for a short while so I when I get interrupted I can get very irritated and turn into a monster just like when I’m working out and someone approaches me, I know they’re just trying to be friendly or sometimes some random dude may want to hook up or see what he can get; I like to think of my time at the gym as my pedestal where no one can reach me, my place and time where I can get away from everyone and release all my bad vibes without having to hurt anyone.Ha, ha! Or when I don’t eat at my right times I want to put a huge sign saying "don't mess with a hungry girl!" When it comes to my meals of the day I really go by the clock and I get anxious when I don't eat because I don’t function well without food. I get angry, annoyed to the point where I can’t even stand myself. Yuck!
Writing is one of the best gifts I’ve ever been given and even though I don’t even come close to being a professional writer, I still love it because it helps me dig into the most profound space in my heart and get to know myself more. It helps me reflect on what I learn every day and understand many things for instance accepting the fact that sometimes we cannot have everything we want in life, perhaps because God has traced better plans for us way before we were born.
Going back to that comment “happily single,” it made me think of how easy life can be and how complicated humans make our existence miserable for no reason at all. When we want something we do whatever it takes to get it, once we are there we don’t want it anymore, we want something else, it is the same thing with relationships. We want to be with someone, we start a relationship, some of us make it to marriage, commit to this person for life and a few years down the line, “ooops, this person wasn’t the one.” The same way a child is thrilled when he discovers a new toy or another way to get entertained, he gets excited for a while but as soon as he becomes weary of it, he drops it and goes on to discover something else. At least children are the most innocent and transparent human beings in this existence and it is in their nature to behave like that. What about adults though? What excuse do we have?
Nowadays there are very few marriages that make it till the end and I wonder, what did they have to go through to survive the turmoil, the black and white, the good and bad moments together? To this day it is a mystery but I will ask a very happy and solid couple I know. I’ll call her Virginia; a few weeks ago she was diagnosed with leukemia which can turn into cancer. I don’t understand completely what is going on there and I don’t want to ask because everyone is very sensitive at this time. Virginia is one of the most positive women I’ve ever known and despite the fact she’s going through one of the worst moments she still wants to live. She’s being really strong and she is standing up to this battle against death, she’s fighting with every single particle of strength within. Her husband has been there for her every single step of the way. They love life and they are holding on to it because they are so full of peace and love each other on top of everything. That is my example of a beautiful and perfect marriage, they have overcome many obstacles together, they accept one another as they are, and they don’t care about outer beauty because as Virginia once told me, all of that comes second. The beginning stages of a relationship are all physical but that wears out eventually and it becomes second. There are a million more important things ike the moments you go through together, that's when real love is proved.
Thinking about them made me ponder about life, it is a long and intense process which brings us precise moments that touch us very deep inside and give us strength to either stop our existence or keep going with those who truly love us, accept us the way we are and are able to forgive and let go of the bad and painful moments. It is moments like these when we really get to know ourselves and allow us to find the purpose that life has for us. God manifests himself to every single one of us in different ways and I personally hadn’t felt him so close, so strong and so direct to me until last year when I had an awful wreck and I thought I wasn’t going to pull through. At that moment I neglected to see it but now that I look back, I know he was there to give me another opportunity, another chance because he has a plan for me, this plan that I haven’t been able to decipher quite yet but I keep getting closer to it day by day. I was too occupied trying to “recover” other people and things that were not part of God’s plans for me. Life has given me many opportunities and has taught me many lessons for which I am very fortunate because not everyone has chances in this long journey.
Virginia and her husband have also taught me a very important lesson; we may spend many years in life looking for happiness, we may run away from ourselves searching in a million places yet we ignore the fact that it’s been there and it’ll always lie within us.
Moments like these are priceless so let's make peace not war.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Habits to avoid
Sunday October 17, 2010
It’s 10 what!? Oh my, it’s 10:30pm and I am barely getting started on my writing. As much as I wanted to get on the ball and get to it earlier, I just couldn’t but at least I am right now as much as I’d like to hop into bed at this precise minute. This week I thought I’d have more free time on the weekend but of course I didn’t because I had progress reports due, the usual lesson plans and something always comes up at the last minute. This time the excuse is that a very dear friend of mine came over to chat with me for a “little while” but we ended up talking for about three hours!
One of the things we talked about was “bad influence” and how easily it is to get sidetracked and pulled into the wrong direction. This “bad influence” topic is something to really ponder because it always makes me wonder and ask myself whether or not it is just in our minds. Perhaps as a child, teenager or as a young adult it is easy for us to incline towards the “easiest” and “fastest” solutions, but not as an adult, not at this point in life because from the moment we decide to go with that so called “bad influence” we know what the consequences will be and we have to confront them as much as we want to avoid them. We are perfectly aware of what harms our body and mind, we know who to stay away from and who to stay close to. We are always full of excuses but why not incline towards good people, good habits and the good things in life?
Let’s stay for instance when someone starts drinking they may think that they went through the same when they were children but why not do good things for others? Plain and simple, because we are very sleazy.
But as adults we are entitled to select good and bad we are capable of deciding who and what we allow in our life. Ending 2008 and most of 2009 many unpleasant things happened in my life and I was so bitter and angry that long after I realized that it happens to every single human being. My biggest problem was that I didn’t know how to handle my emotions and needless to say that affected a few relationships and I lost some of them because I was a very negative and unhappy human being so now that I’m in control of me again I´d like to help others reach peace within.
Ten things to say no to:
1. Rushing.
2. Energy draining people
3. Negative thoughts.
4. The inner critic who tells you to play it safe.
5. Pushing yourself to do more when you feel tired.
6. Unhealthy guilt or shame.
7. A request that immediately causes you stress.
8. Second helpings when you feel full.
9. More work when you already have a full plate.
10. Living life from the neck up.
11. Not forgiving
It’s 10 what!? Oh my, it’s 10:30pm and I am barely getting started on my writing. As much as I wanted to get on the ball and get to it earlier, I just couldn’t but at least I am right now as much as I’d like to hop into bed at this precise minute. This week I thought I’d have more free time on the weekend but of course I didn’t because I had progress reports due, the usual lesson plans and something always comes up at the last minute. This time the excuse is that a very dear friend of mine came over to chat with me for a “little while” but we ended up talking for about three hours!
One of the things we talked about was “bad influence” and how easily it is to get sidetracked and pulled into the wrong direction. This “bad influence” topic is something to really ponder because it always makes me wonder and ask myself whether or not it is just in our minds. Perhaps as a child, teenager or as a young adult it is easy for us to incline towards the “easiest” and “fastest” solutions, but not as an adult, not at this point in life because from the moment we decide to go with that so called “bad influence” we know what the consequences will be and we have to confront them as much as we want to avoid them. We are perfectly aware of what harms our body and mind, we know who to stay away from and who to stay close to. We are always full of excuses but why not incline towards good people, good habits and the good things in life?
Let’s stay for instance when someone starts drinking they may think that they went through the same when they were children but why not do good things for others? Plain and simple, because we are very sleazy.
But as adults we are entitled to select good and bad we are capable of deciding who and what we allow in our life. Ending 2008 and most of 2009 many unpleasant things happened in my life and I was so bitter and angry that long after I realized that it happens to every single human being. My biggest problem was that I didn’t know how to handle my emotions and needless to say that affected a few relationships and I lost some of them because I was a very negative and unhappy human being so now that I’m in control of me again I´d like to help others reach peace within.
Ten things to say no to:
1. Rushing.
2. Energy draining people
3. Negative thoughts.
4. The inner critic who tells you to play it safe.
5. Pushing yourself to do more when you feel tired.
6. Unhealthy guilt or shame.
7. A request that immediately causes you stress.
8. Second helpings when you feel full.
9. More work when you already have a full plate.
10. Living life from the neck up.
11. Not forgiving
Sunday, October 10, 2010
What Makes life better?
Sunday October 10, 2010
It's Sunday again! I can’t believe another week has gone by and once again here I am, worn out staring at my computer with all my brain cells fried after having worked the entire weekend. I’m thinking, “I’m too exhausted to do anything, I don’t feel like writing or doing absolutely anything anymore but I still have another hour or two before I drop dead. I want to stop at this precise moment and head to bed to get my beauty sleep but I still have to do my lesson plans but I needed to do something before getting started so why not write!? Plus I have made writing and working out my rituals, my sanctuary, my haven a complement, a part of me.
I’m transcribing some audio interviews for a documentary about tequila that I’m working on (which I’ll give you the full scope of later on). I’m the research assistant for this film and I am thrilled because never in my life did I have the slightest clue of me doing this!
Writing helps me relax and since I’ve had enough of tequila, I came up with this list to get inspired and get others inspire as Guadalajara rates number one in suicides. Something that I constantly ask myself is, does a single human being reach complete happiness at some point in his/her life?
What makes life better?
These Golden Rules
1. Eat healthy and exercise.
2. Be around people who make you laugh.
3. Set a goal or dream that won't go away and accomplish it.
4. Be in nature and getting fresh air.
5. Sit in sunlight and spend time in nature and meditate.
6. Hug someone spontaneously
7. Accept an invitation that feels exciting and scary at the same time.
8. Rest more than you think you need.
9. Moving your body as much as you can.
10. Have an open door for those who need companionship.
11: Do volunteer or charity work
12. Spending time with a baby or child.
13: Read every night.
14: Smile all the time even despite the fact that everything seems to go wrong.
15. Be grateful for all the good and bad times and taking them as a learning experience. Taking the good aspects of the bad times and learning something from them.
16. Start off your day by Thanking God for being alive.
17. Don’t complain; be happy with what you have and don’t compare what you have with what others have.
18: Don’t get caught up in the “Keeping up with the Johnese’s”
19. Spend more time with your family.
20. Have the maturity to accept your mistakes; listen to someone else when he/she has made a mistake and give him/her another chance.
21. Learn something new every day; you can lose a loved one, something material, yet your knowledge is one of the few things you will have until you cease to exist.
22. Don’t gossip and don’t be jealous of others; start with your own expectations.
23. Be yourself. Let it rain, let it pour, let it sunshine, as long as you are yourself, you will remain intact.
24. Do a daily ritual of gratitude.
25. If you do someone a favor, don’t expect anything in return.
26. Don’t work too much.
27. If you borrow it, return it.
Life can be one of the most beautiful gifts you’ve ever been given if you follow these golden rules.
It's Sunday again! I can’t believe another week has gone by and once again here I am, worn out staring at my computer with all my brain cells fried after having worked the entire weekend. I’m thinking, “I’m too exhausted to do anything, I don’t feel like writing or doing absolutely anything anymore but I still have another hour or two before I drop dead. I want to stop at this precise moment and head to bed to get my beauty sleep but I still have to do my lesson plans but I needed to do something before getting started so why not write!? Plus I have made writing and working out my rituals, my sanctuary, my haven a complement, a part of me.
I’m transcribing some audio interviews for a documentary about tequila that I’m working on (which I’ll give you the full scope of later on). I’m the research assistant for this film and I am thrilled because never in my life did I have the slightest clue of me doing this!
Writing helps me relax and since I’ve had enough of tequila, I came up with this list to get inspired and get others inspire as Guadalajara rates number one in suicides. Something that I constantly ask myself is, does a single human being reach complete happiness at some point in his/her life?
What makes life better?
These Golden Rules
1. Eat healthy and exercise.
2. Be around people who make you laugh.
3. Set a goal or dream that won't go away and accomplish it.
4. Be in nature and getting fresh air.
5. Sit in sunlight and spend time in nature and meditate.
6. Hug someone spontaneously
7. Accept an invitation that feels exciting and scary at the same time.
8. Rest more than you think you need.
9. Moving your body as much as you can.
10. Have an open door for those who need companionship.
11: Do volunteer or charity work
12. Spending time with a baby or child.
13: Read every night.
14: Smile all the time even despite the fact that everything seems to go wrong.
15. Be grateful for all the good and bad times and taking them as a learning experience. Taking the good aspects of the bad times and learning something from them.
16. Start off your day by Thanking God for being alive.
17. Don’t complain; be happy with what you have and don’t compare what you have with what others have.
18: Don’t get caught up in the “Keeping up with the Johnese’s”
19. Spend more time with your family.
20. Have the maturity to accept your mistakes; listen to someone else when he/she has made a mistake and give him/her another chance.
21. Learn something new every day; you can lose a loved one, something material, yet your knowledge is one of the few things you will have until you cease to exist.
22. Don’t gossip and don’t be jealous of others; start with your own expectations.
23. Be yourself. Let it rain, let it pour, let it sunshine, as long as you are yourself, you will remain intact.
24. Do a daily ritual of gratitude.
25. If you do someone a favor, don’t expect anything in return.
26. Don’t work too much.
27. If you borrow it, return it.
Life can be one of the most beautiful gifts you’ve ever been given if you follow these golden rules.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
10 golden rules for every busy woman
10 golden rules for every busy woman
Life in Guadalajara seems to be happening so quickly and as much as I want to get out there and learn more about this amazing and beautiful city I don’t know where time goes. Lately it feels as if my days are not long enough and I wish there were more hours in the day so many more things could get done - or if I could only have one idle hour, I’d be able to relax and stop and smell the coffee or perhaps I’d come up with something else to do. As I get older my self-expectations get higher and it is a bit frustrating at times not being able to meet them. I must be going through the 30’s crisis because this question keeps popping on my head, “what are you going to do with your life?”
There are so many things to do, people to meet, places to go, goals and expectations to meet before I hit the big 35! Even though I am not married nor do I have a significant other sometimes I wonder if I’d be able to juggle my time between work, my workouts, my family and him.
I guess I’ll cross that line when I get to it. At this moment I have a full plate with all my goals. “and how many hours do you sleep every night? Two?” a good friend of mine asked me earlier in the week. She told me, “I have to confess something, I have always looked up to you when it comes to discipline you are my role model, I’d never said it but I really do admire you.” So this is what I said, “oh! Believe me, I have many flaws just like everyone else does, after all I’m a human being.”
The other person was one of my students, I had assigned some homework to him and to bring a handout to class but he didn’t do it. He said, “I’m sorry, I know you are very organized and you’re always on top of everything.” I said the exact same thing to him. I’m a human being and I have many imperfections.
One of the things that I don’t know how to handle is saying “no” to my mother sometimes when she wants to spend more time with me; even though I don’t have children sometimes it feels as if I did because she’s like a child, she can be very demanding. She is almost my partner in crime in this city because her and my adorable nephew are the ones I spent the most time with outside of work. Even then I may not spend as much time with them as I’d like to. I don’t even have time for myself. Here people have to work harder to make less money. Every week I want to call all my siblings and close friends more often, I want to spend more time at the gym and really focus on my Health and Fitness career, I want to be able to read more and write more articles like the magazine and the newspaper just like I did before and write more in order to accomplish one of my lifetime goals to write a book, and to have more time to better prepare for my classes (it is not like I don’t prepare but I always feel like I should do better – that’s just me with everything though), I want to take more translation courses to brush up on my skills and be a better translator, I want to have more time to study to become a sworn translator, I want to have more time to relax and do charity work, I want to spend more time with my loved ones but from the moment I get up (at 5am every day) it is nonstop until 8, 9 or 10 pm, sometimes even later, I never have one moment’s rest.
This may not be a good answer but I still manage to do a little bit of everything but this year I will decipher my plans for the future and decide what I’d like to do in a long term basis so I can stop doing many different things here and there and that will happen no later than December of this year. I already know what it is because I can feel it with my heart, something that I became very passionate about ever since I was 17, all I need to do is step up and do it and don’t look back.
This turmoil in my life inspired me to come up with this “Must” list for women.
10 golden rules for every busy woman
1) I am not on call to all of the people all of the time.
2) I have needs of my own and they may not be the same as my friends’, familys’ or colleagues’.
3) I don’t have to say yes to every request put to me.
4) I don’t have to carry on doing something just because I’ve always done it.
5) Time I spend relaxing, time well spent.
6) I know there is no such thing as the perfect girlfriend, wife, mother or child.
7) Time I spend feeling guilty could be spent doing more enjoyable things.
8) I won’t do it for others if they are capable of doing it themselves.
9) I owe myself the same care and consideration I give to others.
10) Remember at all times, especially in the face of criticism, when I’m up against difficulties and anxiety: I’m doing the best I can!
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