Grief and loss teach us
what real love is about
November 10, 2013
By: Gina Yoryet Roman
Back in 2009, I signed up to get Cheryl Richardson’s weekly newsletter which I just got through reading.
“Grief is a funny thing. It sneaks up on you at the most unexpected times. Earlier this week, as I sat in the car waiting for Michael to come out of a drugstore, a song came on the radio and I burst into tears. It was a new one that debuted on The Voice called, Say Something, by A Great Big World,and it featured the beautiful background vocals of Christina Aguilera.
As I listened to the words, I thought about how painful it is to lose someone we love. How desperate we are to know that they're okay, that they're with us, and ultimately that there's life beyond the release of the physical body.
I'm still waiting for a sign from Debbie, an irrefutable message that her energy and consciousness lives on and near me. Silly human that I am...
I don't mind the sadness though. Over the years I've learned to embrace the hollow clenching of my heart when I think about someone or something I've lost. Time has taught me that my ability to welcome grief is directly related to my ability to welcome love. Because I no longer push away the pain, I've grown to trust myself enough to live through it and this trust frees me to invest more of my heart and soul into my relationships.
Being with grief is not easy, though. It can be challenging to let the tears flow, especially when they show up out of nowhere. Like in public. For some reason my grief loves to visit me at the most inconvenient times like when I'm sitting in the car in front of the drugstore with lots of people walking back and forth around me.
Today I invite grief in. I welcome its teachings, its benevolence, and its ability to connect me with my vulnerable, tender heart.
After all, that tenderness is important. It's the aliveness we all secretly long for every single day of our lives...”
Very interestingly all through this weekend I've had repercussions about death due to a bad dream I had earlier in the week. Perhaps it is the Christmas feeling, the change of season and the sound of dry leaves emphasizing the solitude in my heart, the atmosphere, the nostalgia of not spending enough time with all my family, the loss of my beloved grandmother who surrendered to death on January 26, 2012, after a long-lasting battle against Alzheimer’s. It may be the echoing and desperate crying voice of grandpa's wise and invaluable advice;
“Yoryet, love can be tough sometimes but when you find the one, grow together, don’t ever let go and love, forgive, pray and walk hand in hand with him until death does you apart.”
It can possibly be the loss of Victoria (one of my personal victories) who I lost towards the end of 2009. It could be the true friends that life has unexpectedly taken away from me for an ungiven reason. Perchance it is the love that fell through the cracks long ago because I shunned grandpa’s advice and because value didn’t have a value because neither one of us gave value its value. I will never acquiesce (agree) to those fatalities but I’ve learnt to live with it..
“You will lose someone you can’t live without, your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
“A lot of things are inherent in life -change, birth, death, aging, illness, accidents, calamities, and losses of all kinds- but these events don't have to be the cause of ongoing suffering. Yes, these events cause grief and sadness, but grief and sadness pass, like everything else, and are replaced with other experiences. The ego, however, clings to negative thoughts and feelings and, as a result, magnifies, intensifies, and sustains those emotions while the ego overlooks the subtle feelings of joy, gratitude, excitement, adventure, love, and peace that come from Essence. If we dwelt on these positive states as much as we generally dwell on our negative thoughts and painful emotions, our lives would be transformed.”
Going back to Cheryl Richardson’s reflections,
“Because I no longer push away the pain, I've grown to trust myself enough to live through it and this trust frees me to invest more of my heart and soul into my relationships.”
they also made me ponder upon my current and future relationships, when there’s grief, I will forgive and make my heart capable of loving even more because once death interferes, it will be too late. Sometimes we may win or lose but the point of life is accepting, letting go and learning to avoid making the same mistakes. More importantly, never stop believing in love to better understand my purpose, the meaning of two becoming one even when the ball (fortune) doesn’t bounce right back to us. Sometimes it will bounce lower than ever, therefore our job is to get a hold of it, make it find its equilibrium and stay put.We must keep that frail crystal ball together at all times because once it breaks, it will never be put back into its original form.
Tomorrow these feelings will wither as I fade away into my daily routine...
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