Always Running

Always Running...

Living la vida loca

May 25, 2013

By: Gina Yoryet Roman

This post was originally written in paper yesterday at about 1pm while I was applying a TOEFL exam in one of my classes...

It is not the East L. A. gang style mad life that has got a hold of me. The tumult I am entrapped in, is indeed La Vida Loca, or the jealous, limiting and none permissive crazy life that leaves hardly any room (lately with no room) to do the things that feed my mind, soul and body and much less to talk to anyone. The last couple of weeks have gone in a blur, daylight drifting right into darkness, dusk diluting into dawn. My weekdays don’t differ a whole lot from my weekends. For the last couple of days I’ve depended more on my computer than ever, there is something scheduled every hour of the day, rush hour starts the minute I get up ending at 9, 10, 11pm or sometimes later. 

Amidst my madhouse, domestic chores which are always pushed as far back as possible still have to be squeezed in. Meetings with my accountant, my mechanic, with the translators that I’m working with in different projects, conference meetings two or three times a week with a U. S. client, meeting deadlines, dealing with all the small tasks entailing a small business, the Teacher Training Action Plan the school is launching next school year (and which another Teacher and I are responsible for), plus a possible advanced writing workshop I may have to present if there’s no one else to do it. There’s also volunteer work which I only dedicated 2.5 hours just today after almost a month, writing, working out, praying, reading. Then there’s dealing with another small corrigible health issue that was developed due to stress. 

My computer is THE only one I’ve been devoting most of my time to. Thinking about this turbulence is emotionally and physically draining. Nevertheless, being busy doesn’t always have a negative impact. I can choose to use it either against or in favor of me. Therefore, I’ve decided that for such an emotionally driven woman like me, there is no better cure than to keep my mind busy at all times. In the midst of my solitude, sadness and emptiness for having to work so much, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel reminding me that this is the life I’ve chosen. Why? I am an over achiever, as I get older I demand more from myself. Sometimes more than what I can withstand. It can be tough but at the same time this is what keeps me balanced. At times I wish there were someone to share my dreams, goals, achievements and ups and downs, someone as professionally demanding and driven as me, that eternal someone to walk hand in hand with, and play my game...the game of life going through the least trodden road. 
It it's God's will, it'll happen somewhere along the line...

Anyhow, now my only time to reflect and do self-talk is during my drives from one appointment or class, to another. That time is also used to come up with writing ideas and I’ve surely enough been using those sacred minutes very productively. My little radio that I used when I did journalism has once again become another one of my companions to record thoughts, reflections or writing ideas I come up with. It’s the perfect strategy to catch them before my wandering mind moves on to the next thing. 

Looking back at my life before Guadalajara, my skills and knowledge were concealed behind my comfort zone and narrow little world. During my long stay here my tasks, responsibilities and duties have tripled. A why and an answer to that have lied within from a young age on. Some day when the woman in the mirror locks eyes with me and a stern voice reprimands me, “What have you done with your life?” I will fire right back at her with both hands on my hips, “You really want to know? Here’s the legacy I’ve built and will leave behind, this deep-rooted endowment is what I thoroughly created and arduously bred throughout time, blending that into a high resulting recipe; effort energy, resistance, persistence and insistence. 

Since my long stay on Tierra Azteca, I’ve pushed myself to actually step up and act as opposed to continue dreaming, longing, desiring, admiring others’ successes but mine, and watching life run slowly through my hands. I’ve learned this joy ride can be harder here if I let it get to that point, I am slowly leaving traces behind of a health and fitness legend, worthy of the woman I’ve fought to be all my life. I have pushed myself to willingly (not through obligation) to get committed to, and improve my game of words, writing. I’ve forged myself not as Gina, Yoryet, or Gina Yoryet, but as a small business, by striving, trying, and always expecting more of me. Being what I want myself to be, bouncing right back through my own flaws. 

My expectations have soared and they will keep ascending the older I get.

True, everything overwhelms me randomly. 

True, I can’t and won’t always be on top of a thousand things at once.

True, I wish I didn’t have to work so hard sometimes.

True, I am not a superwoman.

BUT!

True, I can slow down, bide my time and 'wait for opportunities to come my way.'

True, I can decelerate, take a deep breath and continue running.

True, I cannot and will not, EVER give up my game with my rules that have forged and nurtured the woman I’ve become...
True, my busy schedule is the best therapy to get distracted...

I am still overwhelmed but blazingly happy after writing this post because it keeps getting harder and harder to squeeze in a rushed hour to commit myself to one of my loves.