My sleep deprived nights

My sleep deprived nights

By: Gina Yoryet Roman

June 4, 2012

As of January first I’ve lost my focus in almost every possible way, life has been more so like this: I take two steps forward but it feels more as if I had taken three or four leaps back.

Number one, the year started out very slowly workwise, it didn’t pick up as it normally does within the second or third week of January so I’ve had to look for other activities to fill in those gaps and avoid my mind from wandering uselessly. It all projects more when I try to close my eyes and sleep…
I cannot get disconnected for more than two seconds and manage to get some zzzz's. 

Mid January (January 16 to be exact) came sluggishly, slowly trespassing my peace of mind and leaving me with one of the deepest scars in my soul, the reason being? My grandmother, granny M. Lou W. passed away after a long battle with Alzheimer’s. I was very distraught because the heartbreaking news didn’t get to me till late April so guilt struck me many nights causing even more nights of insomnia.

In the midst of that sense of loss, there was also hope, January, February were looking very promising, it was the perfect time to grow, conquer, fight, thrive, win, survive, prosper, rise, to open a whole new episode with the “right” someone, a time to believe, to be courageous, to be pure, transparent, reenergize, to be free– just “me,” the perfect time for “Carpe Diem,”

That was more so like a small obstacle like many which I tend to get thrown off track with like other similar tiny matters but once I am back to my normal “me,” it is easy to regain incredible self-control. 

On March 25 Mexico was injected with hope once again when Pope Benedict the XVI came to Guanajuato but that peace only last lasted too little as a few days later, the most violent day of the month stirred panic and despair in our hearts after many vehicles were burnt throughout the city.

In April I worked at an event doing simultaneous translation for the Centro Bíblico Cristadelfiano, a whole new religion that left me with even more doubts about spiritualism and beliefs. Even though I am a born and raised catholic (and I will always be one), my peace of mind was a bit agitated.

May finally arrived, after many sleep deprived nights due to the countless failed attempts to clarify my baffled mind I finally regained focus.

Not for long though…

May 15, being certain, I had a LONG chat with a friend and needless to say more, that conversation contributed to that sky high cipher of sleep deprivation nights.

Finally as peace struggled and crawled to meet the cross line of my mind I was struck once more. This time it hit my health and I’ve been skipping the gym for the last four days because I haven’t felt like “me,” I am feeling puny and weak but at the same time I feel like the pounds are quickly crawling in my muffin top.

Whatever the cause may be I miss my full nights of beauty sleep and I was determined to regain them yesterday after spending the WHOLE day in bed.

Perhaps the death of my grandmother left me delirious, or maybe that fake illusion formed in my mind, it could be all the doubts with that religion I discovered (I am not going to get into it because who would I be if I don’t stand up for my catholic beliefs?)

That conversation with that particular friend on May 15 is irrelevant, it was just that.

Whatever the reason may be, it leaves me with many sleepless nights. During those nights I dream of many unreal things, every time I close my eyes, it’s like if I were living another life. There is something out there I cannot resist…

Whatever that obstacle disrupting my sense of peace may be, there's no other option but to fight against it with all my might even if that means taking the less traveled road.

“Most men take the straight and narrow. A few take the road less traveled. I chose to cut through the woods."