Culture Shock

If you are expecting life and everything in Guadalajara to be exactly the same as it is in your own country, you need to wake up and smell the coffee because that is not going to happen in a million years. When moving to another country you have to be prepared mentally, physically, culturally and you have to be well aware that there will be many ups and downs and disappointments to face. At times you will feel like taking the first plane back home but it is only a matter of adjusting so don’t be intimidated and take each strike as it comes.
Going as far back as uhm, last night. I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend but he flaked out on me, he didn’t call to cancel, he didn’t text, didn’t send an email, nothing. I am not surprised because it has happened numerous times with everyone not only him. By now my mind is set to not get disappointed even though that is one of my biggest pet peeves because I play by the same rules with everyone, I don’t like doing anything I don’t like people doing to me. I am not upset because I wasn’t expecting anything, it was about meeting new people since I am always enslaved to work and establishing a friendship relationship, perhaps I should’ve made it clear but it slipped out like many things. By now I am used to coming across unpunctual, flaky, uninterested or just plain rude people who always tell me to relax and wonder why foreigners always go “by the book” What makes things worse is that most of those flakes call a few days or weeks later as if nothing had happened asking to meet again only so they can get another chance to leave you all dressed up with nowhere to go.

All those small differences are not such a huge culture shock to me because of my Mexican side, I’d say I am more Mexican than tamales and pozole but that is not what a friend of mine thinks, he once said to me, “You are very Mexican, only your last name and the color of your skin” and he laughed. I totally disagree with that, the fact of being dark skinned doesn’t guarantee that I am Mexican. When it comes to being on time when meeting someone I am very respectful with their time unlike many tapatios. I’ve experienced all these informalities ever since I can remember. The first person I know of doing that was my father, I despised it every time he’d say “dame 5 minutos,” give me 5 minutes. I later learned that for Mexicans 5 minutos can mean an hour, two, three, four, however long they may please. So now when I meet someone at any given moment I ask them, “are we meeting at 5pm (puntualidad Mexicana) real time or Mexico time?” only to clarify because I don’t like to waste my time sitting around waiting for people and I cannot play their game, I can never be late unless something goes wrong. Another few phrases I will always rant and rave about are, “ya veremos – we’ll see, relajate – relax, para que hacer planes? haber que sale – Why make plans?, we’ll play it by ear and see what happens.

When I came to Guadalajara I was under the wrong perception, I thought I’d forget my English because nobody spoke it here but little did I know that I was completely wrong! I use English for everything, teach, translate, write, I speak it with everyone. Sometimes I knock on my neighbor’s door to chat with her in Spanish because all my friends speak English! I tried to befriend a few people here but they were simply not interested. At the beginning I thought it was me, maybe I wasn’t projecting the right message so I discussed it with other foreigners and it’s happened to them as well I got a better scope of the whole enchilada. People are simply not interested in letting outsiders in “their circle.” Some say that it is culture, that they feel safer because there is so much crime happening in Mexico nowadays. Do they even come close to realizing that it’s human beings who make culture? It seems as if they wear a mask called culture and they hide behind it to dump all their excuses and insecurities behind.

I used to get extremely infuriated especially one time when my accountant was quite late one night when he was supposed to pick up some invoices at 7pm. I felt as if he was playing with my time and like if I wasn’t being taken seriously. 7:15, 7:30, 8:00, 9:00, and 9:30 he didn’t show up. Finally at 10:00 the door bell rang and it was him! Needless to say I almost passed out because I was very angry. I picked up the receiver and told him to come back another day. He was not happy at all but at that point I didn't care.
I remember an American friend saying once, “I am becoming too much like the people here” when we were supposed to meet one weekend and he totally vanished, he didn't call me until the following Monday. I told him, to hell with that shit! that is not an excuse, I am Mexican and I don’t care how long I’ve been here or who does that, I always go by my rules when it comes to these things.
As I get older I’ve become more selective with many things in life, one of them is choosing who I spend time with and surround myself with serious and respectful people because it is my time being put at stake, it is very valuable and nobody will give it back to me.
This also reminds me of the institution where I did volunteer work last year and I’m still working on a project with them. I always wanted to have a library at my place but I thought, “why not do it for somebody else?”
I made all the arrangements, talked to bookstores to donate us books, finally I got the FIL (Feria Internacional del Libro) to do it, they agreed immediately but the institution is always making excuses so the project keeps being put off, it’s been 8 months now and I feel powerless because it is not up to me. About a week and a half ago I emailed the coordinator to ask if the books had been delivered but she hasn’t replied. I am very disappointed because that is one of my lifetime projects and I had set myself a time goal. It’s hard for me to cope and I will never accept it but at the same time I can’t let them get to me.
Something many Mexicans as well as myself have to learn to say is “NO.” people here are frightened to say no, they always say, “yes, yes, yes!” to everything even if they are well aware that they can’t compromise. So they rather say yes to avoid hurting peoples' feelings but it is ironic and contradicting, they rather flake out, not call, not show up. Do they realize that is even worse? They always say it’s a “culture” thing. Once again they hide behind their masks. I’d much rather people tell me “no” to something they don’t want to do instead of lying but I can’t change people, change starts within and I am the only one I have control over so I don’t waste my time with people like that.