Buried under a Mountain of Self (Me)

Buried under a Mountain of Self (Me)

February 1, 2016

By: Gina Yoryet Román

And it is ready to crumple before my eyes

They say that every woman is born with it, but I wasn’t, or I neglected my nature all along. During my adolescence this thought never came to me because I was unbeknownst to what it fully entailed. I may not have known completely, but I was certain that deep down I didn’t desire it because of my rough upbringing. In my twenties, I got a somewhat fuller scope through my mother, friends, sisters, co-workers and acquaintances and I still didn’t aspire for it. In my early thirties and now that I am scratching f-o-r-t-y, OMG! Yes! I am still debating it.

Until exactly two weeks ago I was still rowing the wrong direction harder and harder each day to prevent it any cost. But on Tuesday January 26^th, my suspicions were confirmed. I was experiencing a bit of insomnia, some swelling and cramps, but I wanted to make myself believe that it couldn’t be possible. But deep down I knew it had happened.

My first reaction was to whatsap a close friend of mine and confide my concern to her. I want to say that I was caught amidst frenzy and joy, but I wasn’t and that doesn’t make me feel very proud. But I was and I still am confined in the midst of panic, fear, worry, anxiety, and overall disgust with my body. I am very restricted physically. On top of my chronic knee injury, this has arised. I am in physical gridlock!

For whatever the Purpose Driven Life means, I don’t want to deny myself the opportunity and blessing to procreate, witness the beginning of a new promise and be an accomplice of the gift of metamorphosis through my temple. I want to live a life without regrets.

Towards the end of the week it sank in more and I accepted it. I am still terrified, daunted, reluctant in a way, and in a way hopeful, and aghast. Part of it is because I have never allowed myself to be completely happy. Why should I allow myself to unveil my real self? As of three days ago, I’ve been more at ease, lying awake at moments during the night, asking myself if I will be a good role model. I feel incapable of caring for me, and much less of another human being.

I won’t know how to react, I won’t know what to do.

I won’t know who to reach out to. For all I know, my woman instincts may kick in and things will work out, they always do. The more I think, the more I give fear room to reside in my mind, heart and soul. The more I am permissive of unease, the more icebound I become. The more I welcome doubt, the more I reject my nature. The more I deny myself to be happy, the more I deny my purpose, my mission, my vision, my dreams.

It all entails to being buried under a mountain of “Self,” “Me,” All my life everyone else has done everything for me. I am the first, last, and most important individual on my list. Not anymore, from the moment I found out till the end of my journey, my circumstances will be different.

Conceivably, I am frightened to give myself up. I want to go against my nature but I am grateful every day for this gift, this blessing, this joy. Today I will stop yearning for the young single woman I once was. Now I can clearly visualize that no matter how much I tried to bypass who I really was for a long period of time, the real me re-emerged. I now realize that one cannot run from oneself because one day, the real one will be disclosed.

And so my real self has disclosed, even if it means that I have to give up the mountain of “Self” to care for someone else.

All I can say is, "Why me, why here, why now?
Every day I am grateful to God and life and instead of asking for my will, I ask for his will
and for me to be humble and accept, for acceptance will set me free.

Christ is in Me

And I am in Him

January 3, 2016

"Christ is in me and I am in Him.  I have only to love Him, to let myself be loved, at all times, in all circumstances.  To awake in love, to move in love, to sleep in love, my soul in His Soul, my heart in His Heart, that I may be purified and delivered from my miseries by contact with Him..."
Bl. Elizabeth of the Trinity

"For truly our Lover [God] desires that our soul cleave to Him with all its might, and that we evermore cleave to His Goodness. For of all things that the heart may think, this pleases God the most and is most helpful to the soul.

For our soul is so specially loved by Him that is highest, that it surpasses the knowing of all creatures: that is to say, there is no creature that is made that may fully understand how much and how sweetly and how tenderly our Maker loves us.  

And therefore let us with grace and His help meditate, with everlasting marvel, upon the high and inestimable love that Almighty God, in His goodness, has for us. And therefore we may ask of our Lover with reverence all that we will.

For our natural will is to have God, and the Good Will of God is to have us; and may we never cease from willing nor from longing till we have Him in fullness of joy: and then may we no more desire."

Revelations of Divine Love (chapter vi), Julian of Norwich

"It is the nature of love to love as much as we feel we are loved and to love whatever the one we love loves." St. Catherine of Siena, Letter T299

"There is nothing we can desire or want that we do not find in God." St. Catherine of Siena, Letter T360

Circumstances

Circumstances
January 29, 2016


"Circumstances will direct you, correct you, and perfect you over time.
Sometimes these circumstances knock you down, hard.
There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly
go wrong is going wrong.
And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever,
but you won't. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes
things have to go very wrong before they can be right.
Sometimes you have to go through the worst to arrive at your best."

Las Circunstancias
"Las circunstancias te dirigirán, corregirán, y perfeccionarán con el tiempo.
A veces estas circunstancias te derrumbarán muy duro.
Habrá veces que parecerá que todo lo que puede salir mal, está mal.
Y te puedes sentir estancado en este callejón para siempre, pero no lo estarás.
Cuando quieras desistir, recuerda que a veces las cosas tienen que salir muy mal
antes de que salgan bien.
A veces tienes que pasar lo peor para llegar a tu mejor."

The 10 Comandments of Business

The 10 Commandments of Fitness

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The 10 Commandments of Fitness 

 

I was just looking for some fitness motivations and I ran into these marvelous commandments of fitness on breakingmuscle.

1.    Thou shalt have no other gods in fitness besides health.

Behind every extrinsic fitness goal, such as wanting your body to look a certain way or getting your body to perform in a certain functional or athletic capacity, should be a lasting intrinsic motivator. All extrinsic goals will fail in the long run. All bodies age and atrophy and all athletes eventually retire. However, stand-alone concepts such as the expression of health and love of fitness can last the duration of our lifetimes. Make sure you aren’t bowing down to the temporary material physique and making a God out of what your body should look like

2. Honor thy father and mother in fitness.

Regardless of whether you had great parents or a less than desirable upbringing, express yourself in fitness and wellness the way you should have been taught growing up. That is, demonstrate sportsmanship on the field of play, and demonstrate empathy, grace, and beauty in the realm of fitness and wellness. Always act with integrity in everything you do.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of fitness in vain.

Fitness should be synonymous with health and wellness, not vanity. The way your body looks isn’t your most valuable possession, your health is. Aesthetic fitness isn’t really fitness. Ultimately, the way your body looks isn’t an indicator of functionality, health, or even fitness. The people that truly matter to you don’t care that you have ripped muscles. You aren’t going to forge meaningful relationships, successful endeavors, or a sense of lasting happiness because you’ve sculpted the perfect physique. Everyone wants to look his or her best - I get it. But your guiding principle should be something bigger and deeper. Your grandmother was right. It’s what’s inside that matters.

4. Though shalt not kill…yourself in the process of getting fit.

For years, my goal was kill it at the boxing gym and in the weight room every day, often twice a day. I beat myself up a lot in the process, always winding up in some sort of physical therapy along the way. During those years, a wise man said to me, “Eric, you can either age gracefully or age foolishly. Which camp do you want to be in?” Solid advice, which I finally heard years later after my body gave me the same message the hard way. True fitness is finding a balance for your body, mind, and spirit.

5. Thou shalt not cheat, lie, or steal, in the name fitness.

Finish reps. Don’t half-ass your workouts, take shortcuts, or make excuses. More importantly, don’t profit by selling those same false hopes to others. If you don’t plan to face yourself in the world of fitness and wellness, do yourself a favor and just stay at home. There are no shortcuts, as we all know when it comes to anything worthwhile in this world. In fitness this is especially true. When it comes to being fit or healthy there are no magic pills or supplements and no six-minute abs - just the willingness to face your shadow at the fitness studio, gym, and dojo.

6. Thou shalt commit to thy exercise and fitness plan as a lifestyle and not a quick fix.

One of the things that bothers me the most in the fitness world is the before-and-after photo. As if in real life there’s an after photo. In life there’s just you, the process of aging, and the finish line. The sets and reps in the middle are what count. You can either live a life of integrity by working hard in everything you do or you can look for that brief momentary after-photo moment in the sun. Each time you hit a goal, pause to look at that after photo and the hard work behind it, and then put it away and move forward because the pursuit of health and wellness is forever.

7. Thou shalt not make any graven image that is not in the name of fitness and wellness.

We are fed countless images in the media of how we should look. Don’t make graven images out of what the media and societal pressure says you should look like. Those images are not necessarily akin with being healthy or fit. They also are not necessarily attainable. Be your own personal best body and level of athleticism and fitness. All of us have unique and special gifts, talents, and looks - perfect yours, not someone else’s.

8. Thou shalt not bear false nutrition in eating unnatural, processed, or diet foods.

Many in fitness are trying to sculpt physiques and lose weight by eating food that isn’t real and is disguised as healthy. Everyone over ten years old knows deep down that food is meant to be real and whole. Stop fooling yourselves in the believing that ingredients you can’t pronounce, food that comes in a box, and food that is chemically altered is “good” for you. We know we burn calories and get results the same way we always have - by working hard and getting uncomfortable. The same goes with our nutrition. We have to learn to like fruits and vegetables, eat more of them, and eat less packaged and processed foods.

9. Remember your rest day and keep it holy.

I despise apathy, laziness, and slothfulness. However, I despise arrogance more. Not being able to recognize that your body has limitations is one of the worst kinds of arrogance, as it flies in the face of what is health is really about – balance. Pushing too hard isn’t admirable. It’s arrogance. Every spiritual faith has a root in humility and the pathway to enlightenment runs right through the middle of downtown Humble Town. Do yourself a favor and give yourself the proper care and rest your body needs.

10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s ass.

Lasting success is about knowing yourself in and out of gym. Trying to prove others wrong, trying look like the picture taped to your fridge, and trying to keep up with the Joneses may work as a short-term motivator. However, only the deep level of satisfaction in discovering your own talents and best body will keep you motivated for the long haul.

I have set myself free

I have set myself free

December 16, 2015

I wasn’t taught to be believe, I never met courage in the face until I reached my twenties, I was unbeknownst to discipline, focus and effort at a later time than many people. I was NOT the typical young girl who fantasized of meeting her prince charming and getting married – although deep down I longed for it. Coming from a large and close-knit family, I was ingrained fear, “believe” was obsolete since before I blurted my first words. I was always subdued by my apprehension towards the universe. Existing and life itself were very daunting.

That was then, I have set myself free. Growing older has granted me many benefits, like Judy Dench said, "One of the benefits of being a mature, well-educated woman is that you are not afraid of expletives. And you have no fear to put a fool in his place. That's the power of language and experience. You learn a lot from Shakespeare."

I am now acquainted with courage, discipline, focus, courage and effort. I believe in myself, I am no longer afraid. When I am disturbed with discomposure of any kind, I reach out to my sword and shield; praying, faith and silence and it all fades.

Today, I am one year older and I have very few regrets! Sure, I wish that time didn’t run as quickly, but that no longer intimidates me! I want to enjoy my days more and worry less!

True, my body is not as resilient as before (mainly because of my knee injury), not because I am an old bag! I am no spring chicken true! But I am very fulfilled and thankful for many things. I am happy to be wrapping up another year feeling, gazing, sensing, knowing and living the simple life that I always yearned for. I am at ease and peace with myself. At last I met my soul mate. Now it all makes sense, why it took this long to find him. I unconsciously sought for the wrong people, with that I delayed crossing paths with him. Perhaps all those failures were meant to happen in order for me to get closer to him day by day.

I don’t know, I don’t want to know, I don’t want to think about it. Now that I’ve set myself free, all I want is to love him till the end of time…

My Younger Days

By: Maya Angelou 

When I was in my younger days,
I weighed a few pounds less,
I needn't hold my tummy in
to wear a belted dress.

But now that I am older,
I've set my body free;
There's the comfort of elastic
Where once my waist would be.

Inventor of those high-heeled shoes
My feet have not forgiven;
I have to wear a nine now,
But used to wear a seven.

And how about those pantyhose-
They're sized by weight, you see,
So how come when I put them on
The crotch is at my knee?

I need to wear these glasses
As the print's been getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that I was taller.

Though my hair has turned to gray
and my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I'm the same old me,
It's the outside's changed a bit.

The greatest degree of inner tranquility

¨The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being.¨