Now I Know

Now I know that...

I am getting closer to my purpose

December 5, 2015

By: Gina Yoryet Roman

My meaning, my why, my reason.

Another reason to be grateful, some are at a loss all their life.

This doubt “Why am I here?” has haunted me all my life. Now more than ever, now that I am scratching forty, yes, 40, that reflection has paid a very abrupt visit once again and it has not parted from my turbulent mind yet. Conceivably because I am eleven days from embracing another year filled with ups and downs, fear and hope, success and disappointment and a great deal of trials. 

Amidst all those struggles, and as the end of the year draws nearer, I don’t have the words to express all the appreciation for the many blessings I’ve been gifted with. The other day I was lethargic to express my gratitude in writing to all the fortune given to me, but I did anyhow. Even after that atrocious accident on the road that threw me off the curve and put a gridlock to my high-rendering and competitive lifestyle. That was a catch-22 almost impossible to disentangle from, to this day I am still suffering the aftermath of that life-changing event. Every single day my pain is a remembrance that at least I was able to live to tell, others are denied that opportunity after more catastrophic occurrences.

It has taken me all my life to gradually unveil my “Why am I here?” and 2,362 days to get a clear vision and fathom that even this accident was meant to happen to teach me a lesson. To appease my ego and bring me back to the reality that youth and a fit body are NOT the most important fundamentals in our existence. 

That’s why at this age,

I have accepted…

That even after losing small fragments of Gina Yoryet and being bent temporarily bent either physically, emotionally or spiritually, I’ve bounced back and retaliated amidst the storm. In exchange of that, I´ve gained more symbolic possessions - priceless life-learning lessons.

I have also accepted that we have to be appreciative of the “not so favorable” happenings in our life.

I have realized…

That the promise of a new life lies by my side, it is peering through my window day by day, and I am given the opportunity to choose whether or not I take that opportunity for granted. 

I have received a wake up call…

Letting me know that I wasn’t practicing what I preach. One of my doctrines (writing) was obliterated temporarily. Yet that wake up call was my persuasion to NO longer forsake one of my principles.

I have learned…
That is it NEVER a good idea to force things and make them happen under my own standards. As a woman of faith, now I know that everything that is meant to be, will happen at God’s time and will, not at mine. Anything that is NOT meant to be, will NOT happen no matter how much I kick, punch and cry.

I have also learned…
That the only way to really see and listen is with the heart; people who have less, offer the most; and most of all, I have learned that before we can even think about changing our community, our country, our world, the change must start within. In addition to that, I´ve learned to be self-dependent because no one will always be there to do everything for me, the way it was before, in illo tempore.

At last I have acknowledged...

That family is one the greatest blessings that we are all granted with.

Therefore we have to cherish them and the few or many moments we can spend with them.

In my journey here, I’ve been able to see…

The dehumanization and destructiveness of capitalism, neo-liberalism, and globalization on my people in general and the Indigenous people in particular; a beautiful country that’s extremely rich in natural resources, but is controlled by people who are willing to sell and exploit our country; the environment being destroyed for profit, for the rich and their financial interest; communities where water comes every 3 days, have no drainage, and no electricity or its very expensive; families that have to pay more than companies and fábricas for electricity; houses built out of cardboard constructed only 10 minutes away from luxurious homes or hotels; lies, the powerful always chingando, desalojo, despojo, invasion, and repression; Men and women working 14-16 hour days for a few pesos. The organization, solidarity, and unity of different types of people not only on a national level, but on an international one; the presence of chicanos, mexicanos and people del otro lado; people fighting and struggling their entire lives; an anger so deep that they are willing to die fighting, not for money or richness, but for their families and land, their mother earth.

I have listened…

To the voices of each people I´ve encountered, I can finally feel his or her pain and suffering. Throughout my travels, their stories and their palabras touched my heart. Listening to each individual when I was part of a campaign to fight for the indigenous rights sent shivers through my body; but their anger, resistance and courage began to run through mis venas and stirred something inside of me. During those brief but profound moments in that campaign, each child I played with, Don o Doña I spoke with, each danza o canción I heard began to touch my Corazón, until I realized it was filled with love for this country, this culture, this raza-mi raza.

I have concluded…

That we truly are connected, and although I deceived myself that I was from el otro lado, las raíces run through my blood and the border really is only an imaginary line, because no migra, minute man, or muro can keep our hearts from uniting and fighting for what we believe and know…that another world is possible------ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡Otro mundo sí es possible!!!

I have experienced…

A personal transformation that has changed me indefinitely, and I have all of my family, friends, mentors, and now my husband to thank for being a part of this journey we call life.

I have lost…

Friends that were really NOT real, truthful or transparent. But even those friendships at a given place and time, taught me a lesson that made me wiser, more careful and stronger.

I’ve have become…

More resilient, selective, wary and protective of my surroundings, my loved ones and the people I chose to keep in my life.

I have also become...
Acquainted with temporary disappointment, grief, sadness, failure, heartbreak, physical and emotional mishaps. Yet, everything has left remnants for me to get a hold of myself and stay put to reach success, to be at ease and peace with who I am and with what I've accomplished.

I have regained my faith…

And understood that God does answer our prayers at his time, under his standards, NOT ours.

I have concluded…

That before setting high standards, sending petitions and holding high standards from everyone else, I have to express my gratitude every single morning in my moments of serenity, and I have to start with my own expectations of me.

I have FINALLY…

Met THE one, the man I was meant to be with, the  male that was made to love me and the one I was created to complement, to become one soul, one body, one spirit.

I am finally well aware…

That God had a plan for my husband J.V. A. and I, and that he was there all along to unite with me at the right moment and place…