Soccer rules for women

The entire world is watching the clock tick at the countdown for the world cup that is exactly 10 days away. Let’s picture the turmoil in a few days, what will be it like for all those soccer lovers? All I know is that we women won’t get much attention from the men because their whole world will revolve around tv. Mexico is known for being one of the top soccer fans worldwide, even more so Guadalajara.
People here are very loyal to their home team “Las Chivas rayadas” the stripped goats or el “rebaño sagrado” The sacred herd. It’s always nice to get a good laugh about how passionate people are and how some individuals get into heated arguments about who the best team is. If you ask a “Chilango,” a person from Mexico City or someone unsophisticated from the sticks now living in Mexico City, they will tell you that Los Pumas, their home team is the best. And if you ask a “Jalisquillo,” a derogatory term for someone in Jalisco, they will tell you that “las chivas” are the best.
Little did I know about this long going rivalry between chivas and pumas until about 4 years ago when I had just arrived, I hopped on the subway wearing a pumas shirt not realizing that chivas and pumas were playing that day at estadio Jalisco. I was very distracted so I didn’t pay attention to the person next to me wearing a chivas shirt. A few seconds later I turned to my right, I saw another person wearing a chivas shirt, I turned to my left and somebody else wearing a chivas shirt, I lookep up and and the same thing, soon I realized that everybody’s eyes were piercing right through my pumas shirt. All I did was smile and wait patiently until my stop came. I could just see someone coming up to me and punching me so I was relieved when I got out of there.
This is what goes on when the world cup takes place like in the last World Cup, I saw in the news that many people did whatever it took to go. Some people sold their cars and houses without caring about their spouses, some got loans. Some slept on the streets when they arrived to Germany because they couldn’t afford a hotel. It is amazing to see what barbarities some people are willing to do for soccer.
I can relate to that passion because when I was a teenager I loved soccer. Growing up surrounded by soccer fans, I started playing co-ed when I was 18, I used to sneak out on my parents to go to the games in Oakland or San Franciso, I got back home at the early hours of the morning and when they asked why I had gotten home that late, I’d tell them that I was at a friend’s house studying for a midterm or final exam. I don’t know if they ever bough it but I didn’t give a damn because I had already gone anyway and they had two options, be angry at me and scold me all they wanted knowing that it would happen again or let it go and so they chose the second option. I never understood why people especially men were so passionate about soccer and their blood boiled when it came to picking up fights for the even the slightest rub from another player in the middle of a game.
Many important soccer rules are still stuck in my mind to this day, in fact I thought I had them all narrowed down and I prided myself of knowing “so much.” But I never realized that there are more rules and standards for women when it comes to soccer.

This list of rules applies to all the women out there; single, married, lovers, friends, girlfriends, mothers, etc, From June 11 to July 11 2010 – the duration of the 2010 World Cup keep this in mind.
1) Do the grocery shopping outside of a game and/or repetition time – no exceptions apply.
2) Read the sports section so we have something to talk about, or else don’t be surprised if all we don’t talk to you the whole month.
3) The tv will be mine and only mine for the next thirty days, 24/7 without exception. Don’t even dare coming close to the remote control.
4) If you have to pass in front of the tv during a match, you can do so as long as you crawl, don’t distract, interrupt or make any noise.
5) Bear in mind that during the games I am, deaf, blind and mute. Do not expect me to listen to you, look at you, open the door or much less answer the phone. I won’t check on the weeping child that just fell off the second floor, I won’t do the shopping, put off the fire in the kitchen, I will not do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL!
6) You must provide an ice box full of beer and you will smile to all my friends that come over for a few hours to watch the game. In exchange to this you will be able to watch tv at 4 in the morning as long as there aren’t any repetitions.
7) If you notice I’m upset because Brazil is losing, don’t tell me “it is not a big deal” or “they will win for sure.” That will only upset me even more!
8) If you can sit down and watch a game with me, you will only be able to talk to me during commercials or halftime. Or when you don’t see any players on the screen. Don’t make any comments and do not abuse! Don’t expose yourself!
9) The goal repetitions are extremely important. It doesn’t matter whether we already saw them or not or I’ve memorized them, I want to see them many times. Is that clear?
10) Your deer friends better not get married, baptize their children, celebrate their anniversaries, get sick, put on get togethers or dinners and much less visit us during the semi-finals or the final because you will only hear three answers from us. I won’t go, I won’t go and I will not go!
11) But if a friend invites us to watch the match at a bar or at his place, we will not decline his invitation under any circumstances! We will go without hesitating even if he calls us at the last minute so if you are not ready on time, you will stay home!
12) The late night reviews are just as important as the match itself so don’t even say “but you already saw it, why don’t you change the channel?” or “Don’t you get bored watching the same thing over and over?” You know the answer; No, no and no!
13) On the opening and final days, you must prepare a very exquisite snack, buy beer and send the children to your mother’s house but you have to stay home so you can serve our snacks and you must remain silent at all times.
14) And last but not least, save yourself from making comments like; “I am so glad that the World Cup is every four years!” Be glad that it only lasts one month, I am immune to all those back handed comments and just to let you know, there’s the Champions League, Copa Libertadores, South American Cup, the Italian and Spanish Leagues, the NBA, and the elections for the next World Cup.