The Struggle is yet to Begin

The Struggle is yet to Begin
May 22, 2011
By: Gina Roman

The cause of my all day-lasting migraine must’ve either been the heat, the lack of sleep or the full moon last Sunday. Monday I woke up feeling like if a train had ran over me. All these mixed emotions were stirring inside me and as much as there is always something to do, I couldn’t help and fight melancholy because the most important little man in my life left to England.

I dropped off my brother and my nephew Alex at the airport on Monday night. Right before picking them up I went to a casting to work at Expo Belleza where I worked as a demo girl three years ago. There I was sitting thinking, “what am I doing here” I am so not into this anymore. I don’t like the vibes of plastic, makeup, high maintenance and superficial people. In the end I ended up telling my friend (the one who called me to go to the casting) that I was not up for doing it this year. I figured I’m getting too old plus that it is not my scene and there are more important priorities to set.

Tuesday was also a very hectic day as I’d had an awful Tooth ache since Sunday but I neglected to go to the dentist until I couldn’t bear the pain as I usually do. So I rushed to get checked, then I had to drive a colleague to the Tecnologico Superior de TLRDT to show him how to get there, to give him a run down of the school, to introduce him to the teachers and so forth. Coming back I realized that my fridge was empty and so I stopped and got some groceries.

By the time I got home it was about 9, then there were emails to reply, bags of groceries lying there, staring at me, demanding to be put away. And so the clock ticked to 10:00 o’clock when a a very close friend of mine called me. We had a long chat and she was telling me how I always demand too much of myself because I mentioned that I hadn’t accomplished enough in life. There are times when I don’t absorbe what people tell me but that night, I took in every single syllable she said and her words made me so happy that the next day I woke up feeling like I hadn’t felt in a LONG time.

(Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were just as overwhelming and on top of that, most of the time I only manage to squeeze in about five or six hours of sleep).
I guess pushing ourselves can be good and bad……One of the reasons why I always push myself and strive to be a better person is because I started doing many things late, or much later than many people. So that makes me believe in struggle and to maximize the power of “me.”

Many times I don’t want to even sit down for a minute to relax because I feel as if it were lost time but today and yesterday exhaustion caught up and even though there were a million things to do, a part of my days were spent in bed reading and napping.
I thought of how much I miss reading. Before I managed to read one book a month and now I can’t even manage to finish one book in 3 months! I figured that the time I used to read before, now it is used to write but I really resent that so just like I set a goal to write every Sunday, I am very determined to make time to read.
I’ve never been the sluggish type to sit in front of tv for endless hours, I love Keeping myself busy and doing productive things, in fact I just got back to the library project that was left behind a few months ago because of the lack of effort, communication and motivation.

This thought always pops in my mind, “if I were doing this and that and many things I would be much happier because I would feel a lot more fulfilled as a woman.” Although it takes me forever to get things done sometimes, I still do everything I’ve wanted with all my heart but I will always feel that it will NEVER be enough because there is so much to do and learn that it always feels as if I were in this endless race with time and getting caught up with knowdledge and goals to accomplish.

What many people don’t understand though is that every single stage in our life is about starting all over again and accepting all the changes, being born, becoming a toddler, learning to walk, learning to talk, to potty train and discovering the world, leaving babyhood behind, becoming a child, embracing adolescence, going to college and university and starting a career, becoming an adult, discovering love and getting married, forming a family, becoming a senior citizen, expiring.

It is exactly the way Cypress Hill states it in “Armada Latina. “La Lucha Recien empieza.” The struggle is just beginning.
So giving up is NOT an option as every day we approach is a new beginning, the struggle is yet to begin, and there are a million ways to change our lives for better.