My passion my life

My passion my life
Sunday February 6, 2011
By: Gina Roman

This week has been a very tough week because not only have I been physically exhausted but emotionally exhausted as well. Perhaps because I am on my period, it is more likely that. Dealing with menstrual cycles and emotions is one of the toughest challenges I and millions of women worldwide have to face month after month. I am normally the type of person who operates with hardly any sleep, work, work, work until my battery runs out, when my body cannot take the strain anymore, rest for a while, recharge my batteries and then go, go go again.

I am restless but when that wonderful TOM (time of the month) comes, life seems to happen in such slow motion, I have a hard time waking up and getting out of bed, I move a lot slower and I tend to perform at a very slow pace, everything seems gray and tragic, all I want to do is cry for no reason, sometimes I find myself crying my guts out on my way to work and I don’t even know why! Cravings are out of control, I feel like sticking EVERYTHING in my mouth! I am normally good with my diet and eating healthy but during those days I apply the “Seafood diet” (seefood diet), I let myself go and eat anything I can get my hands on. periods are a true ordeal!
I’m very intense when it comes to feelings and every single Sunday when I sit down to get away from reality and write I try not to let my emotions get mixed with my writing but they always do and it makes me wonder how this world operates without emotions or at least that’s what they portray.

Earlier this week I thought of the fact of how the end of 2010 and this year have brought many blessings to my life and how almost every single morning of this year I have excitedly gotten out of bed at the crack of dawn to get my workout out of the way before I start my long day. Before getting out of bed I take a few minutes to pray, after that I close my eyes and envision my short and long term goals. I always have a notebook and a pen to jot them down and any idea that comes up which will motivate me to write on Sundays. Since the year started, I’ve developed a more positive attitude and I’ve been focusing on my dreams and passions, I’ve asked God to guide me and help me clarify what my purpose in this life is. I've narrowed it down to writing and fitness; if I could do the two at the same time that would be a dream come true! Help people lead a healthy lifestyle and write about it at the same time, I couldn’t ask for anything better.

There are many more things I want to do in life but I have to admit that I am EXTREMELY slow about taking action. I tend to think about things once, again and again. Although this year I have proven myself that I am capable of doing a lot more than I ever imagined so now I am less afraid to take a stand. One of the strongest disappointments in life is personal failure. I always push myself to be a better (not perfect) human being in every aspect and I expect more from myself. Sometimes I try to handle too many things at once and I get them done but I forget about “me,” and I end up getting very sad and exhausted because I feel like I am not doing enough.

I found one of the reasons as to why I’ve been feeling very sad and emotionally exhausted this week in spite of trying to be happy and positive about the economy despite all the turmoil going on in Mexico. Wednesday morning when I got to the gym, I turned on the tv as usual. The first thing I saw were the headlines “granadazos, balaceras y narcobloqueos en siete puntos de Guadalajara.” Granades, shootings, and road blocks in seven different places within Guadalajara. As much as people said that the pointless and stupid drug war was not going to expand here, now it is happening. Shock, anger, sadness, emptiness, disappointment, fear, impotence ran through me and I started shivering.

I literally started crying in the middle of my workout. Almost every single day for the past few months/years I’d watch the news and it was this happening here, that happening there, so far away from Guadalajara but now it is so close! I don’t know how much longer this will go on for. What saddens me the most is that people are sick! I don’t like to use this word but they are basically possessed. They are fighting for power, for money, all of this is unnecessary.

How many more innocent people are going to die? How much longer will this happen? Why is it happening?
I cannot bear the fact that people are willing to destroy our country, our resources, our nature, our culture, all the beauty surrounding us. I would like to believe that this is happening for a reason and that there will be a good ending.
Another thing I cannot believe is how people mock the situation, like those idiots from that British program Top Gear. Those comments full of venom that they made about Mexico and Mexicans. How dare they describe Mexicans as lazy, irresponsible and overweight? I’m surprised they don’t know that England is among the most obese countries worldwide.
There isn’t anything wrong with Mexico except for the natural tragedies just like it happens in every single country. It’s people who are destroying it. It’s a few Mexicans as well as some foreigners who come here to do as they please because they know they can get away with it.

I wish people would stop blaming Mexico and hiding behind that excuse.
Not long ago I read an article on The Lake Chapala Review, a magazine I used to write for and the writer expressed similar feelings. He talked about how he was tired of people overlooking the good things of Mexico. I loved the fact that he put a long list of where Mexico is at, business wise, culture wise, it was an endless list. I lent that magazine to one of my students and she lost it. I wish I would’ve made a copy of that article and showed it to the world to prove them wrong.

Tomorrow is another week, a new beginning, many responsibilities are lying ahead so I better focus on that and keep thinking about my passion my life. Writing has always been one of them. My journal entries began long ago, 25 years ago I started putting my thoughts and feelings into paper. Traces of my writing have been left everywhere I’ve lived, someday I’d like to find them and put them all together in one place and when I expire, I want them to go with me. Writing has been the process of developing myself in many ways. It hasn’t been easy because day by day, month after month, year by year I expect more from myself.