“Life is a struggle and every day is a new battle”

“Life is a struggle and every day is a new battle”

It’s the end of another week pretty much and here we are once again getting ready for a new week. Some are spending the last precious and priceless moments with their families, some are watching tv, some are kicking back, some are still making the last rounds before sunset, some are feeling lonely and in despair because they don’ have anyone to spend time with, some are recovering from an illness or from a beloved’s death, some may be thinking of how overwhelming life can be at times.
It doesn’t matter what we are doing, Sundays have always been “the day” to reflect because it is so peaceful and quiet, and whatever everyone else is doing at this precise moment they sure don’t add up to the slow traffic of the seventh day of the week.
Many thoughts always ram in my mind especially when I’m alone which has been the case most of the times ever since I moved to this huge house and there isn’t anyone else to share it with or much less chat with. My roommate said she’d move shortly after I did but it hasn’t happened.
Just yesterday I spent a long part of the day with a dear friend of mine and her boyfriend. I had dinner at their place, then we went grocery shopping and after that we went to “el tianguis” an outdoor market, actually it was more like a bazaar because “tianguis” only happen in the day time. What a “crazy” way to spend a Saturday night, I remember when I used to be buck wild and party out from Thursday to Sunday night in a row without taking a moment to reflect about life. Partying was my main concern.
J is one of the most humble and down to earth people and I love spending time with her because she is so positive and she spreads her good vibes, plus she’s always been there for me when I’m going through a crisis.
When we were in the car she mentioned that I had such a nice car, she also told me that she loves my place and that she admires me because I am such a beautiful and intelligent woman and I’ve accomplished a lot. I was on the verge of tears because I felt so happy to hear her say that, especially because I am always so hard and critical on myself and whatever I do is never good enough. For example, this morning I was too exhausted to get up and go for my morning run, I was so mad at myself that I am still feeling the guilt trip. My workouts are my sanctuary and when I skip one, I get so angry at myself. I’ve also been a bit worried about my car and I’d like to get another one because it’s been giving me a lot of problems lately. I have to check my budget and go from there, when the right time comes I will replace it.
Many times I think and ask ask myself “why didn’t you do this, you shouldn’t have that done that?” I have to force myself to stop thinking because sometimes thinking too much prevents us from taking real action.
Thinking about the following day, the following week, the following month, year and my future overwhelm me but it is only a matter of taking each day at once even though sometimes it feels as if many days struck me at once. I have to admit that life is a struggle and every day is a new battle but we have to avoid every blow and keep going. This famous quote by Georgia O’keeffe has been one of my lifetime favorites because every single word is my case; “I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life -- but I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do”
I am not the only one who feels this way, having daily contact with people always help me see through them. Some are very transparent even though they try to hide it, they draw a barrier to hide their feelings, and some don’t care and open themselves right away.
On my last blog I mentioned the way I felt about all the tragedies happening in the world, well this time I won’t go so far. It saddens me to see Mexico tumbling down with earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, crime, the drug war, hundreds, perhaps thousands of women in Ciudad Juarez being murdered, many infectious diseases, the financial crisis. I wonder what Mexico will be like five years from now. Will it be sold to the U. S.? They pretty much own us so might as well let be all be one so no migra, minute men or racist act rejects immigrants, the ones that are making the U. S. be what it is now.
What are we to do when all this brings us down? Surround ourselves with positive and energetic people because it is very easy to be in despair. Like J made me appreciate who I am and what I have. The fact that she loves my old car helped me look at it from a different perspective. She’s right, it is a lot better than not having one. What I admire from her is the fact that she is always so thankful with life, she is not high maintenance at all and she could care less about brand clothes, she’s happy to be clothed. Why is it always like that? Other people always have to make us appreciate what we have because we always want more. Another thing she mentioned was that she loved the school where we work and I was kind of unsatisfied with it because I thought I should be doing “better.” What is better though? We always want more and once we reach that point, we realize that it wasn’t enough.
We as human beings make life very complicated - Life is sure a struggle and every day is certainly a new battle but we have two choices, fight and get up as many times as we hit the bottom, or let it overtake us.